and/or he could do them if necessary. The fact the husbands were capable led to a sense

of fairness even though the husbands were in reality completing very little housework. A

second form of the myth was couples' belief the men were capable of doing household

chores but simply weren't aware of what needed to be done. A third form of the myth

involved a belief that a partner did not do an activity because they did not know how.

This kept husbands from "opting in" and led wives to "opt out" of certain activities (p.

81).

 Similar to what was noted above that couples transitioning to parenthood may use

avoidance as a conflict management strategy, avoidance of disruptive topics and tactful

deception were used as coping mechanisms by the couples in Backett's study. Even

though the couples stated they valued open communication in their family relationships,

avoiding and minimizing conflict were seen as important means to completing daily work

and maintaining amiable relationships. As a result, the couples interacted based on their

assumptions of each other's beliefs and motivations, and on communication that was

often interrupted and disjointed.

 For conflicts couples felt were fairly unchangeable, couples used the following

coping mechanisms: "phase or stage, attribution of permanency, the notion of balance,

and disapproved expedients" (p. 86). Phase or stage was primarily used in this context to

cope with problems involving the children (such as disobedience). Attribution of

permanency involved couples' viewing problems as being related to personality traits.

These varied among families, but two attributions about traits common for many of the

couples concerned sleeping and waking, and attributions about the amount of patience

each person had. Families used the notion of balance idiosyncratically also, but