CARIBBEAN TODAY


V I P 0


When Rihanna's private life


becomes public obsession


 Are you happy now?
 All your eyes pressed to
the window staring at the
detritus of someone else's life,
all your mouths chattering
together like birds on a wire,
all you watchers and voyeurs,
you Peeping Toms and
Thomasinas, you eye spies
and inquiring minds that had
to know, did you get what you
needed, did you see what you
wanted? Are you happy now?
 I'd think
you would be.
The photo,
after all, is
pitilessly
explicit: a
close-up of a
woman facing
the camera I
with eyes LEONARD
closed in a PITTS JR.
face scarred
by bruises and
abrasions, and what looks like
dried blood in the corner of
her mouth. Los Angeles
police say it appears to be
authentic, an image of singer
Rihanna taken as part of their
investigation of singer Chris
Brown, who allegedly assault-
ed her on Feb. 8.
 The department has
launched a probe, continuing
as of this writing, to determine
how the picture could have
made it from their files onto
TMZ.com, the celebrity gossip
web site, on Feb. 22. There is
suspicion that some cop or
clerk stole it and sold it, trad-
ing a young woman's misery
for personal profit.

INFO LUST
 But hey, you had to know,
right? All you fans and fanat-
ics who scour the web obses-
sively for the latest dish on
Brad and Angie, Tom and
Katie, Chris and Rihanna and
other luminaries who don't
know you from Adam but
with whom you are, neverthe-
less, on a first-name
basis...you needed this infor-
mation, did you not? You had
a sacred right to stare into the
battered face of a hurt and
vulnerable woman on one of
the worst nights of her life.
 As a poster who fancies
herself (maybe himself?)
"Sultry IrL n puts it on
TMZ's site: "And for all you
saying TMZ shouldn't have
posted the photo. Shut it up!
We wanted to see it and TMZ
always delivers."
 Amen. Because we all
know that what you want is all
that really matters.
 I expect to get some flak
for giving you flak, though.
See, while you were debating
whether Rihanna, in the view
of one post, "was asking for
it," I was debating a Pentagon
policy (overturned last month)


that banned pictures of the
ceremony they hold when cas-
kets containing the remains of
American military personnel
are returned to Dover Air
Force Base in Delaware. I
argued against the ban in this
space, saying that we should
not be shielded from
reminders of what happens
when we send our children off
to war.
 So yes, I'm expecting
some folks to see a disconnect
between that opinion and this
one. But there isn't really. On
the one hand, we're talking
about a matter of compelling
national interest. On the
other, we're talking about
humiliating a woman so you
can get your jollies.
 And it strikes me now
how quaint was the former
debate over the morality of
images, how anachronistic the
attempt to balance public
needs with private ones, in the
world you are creating. In that
world, there is no morality
higher than "we wanted to see
it" and no
need to bal-
ance public
and private
because they
are one and
the same.r

BEING
'THERE' Rihanna
 An ambu-
lance comes for Britney
Spears and You Are There.
Paris Hilton has sex and You
Are There. Robyn Rihanna
Fenty is photographed as the
victim of an alleged assault, in
a state with laws that theoreti-
cally protect the privacy of
assault victims. And yet, You
Are There.
 The lives of others are
one big reality show to you,
aren't they? One more excuse
to press your face against the
window glass and gather chat-
tering on the wire.
 Excuse the rest of us if we
don't see it that way, if we
think we have a right to rea-
sonable control over how and
when we are presented to the
world, if we believe that our
triumphs and sorrows are just
that "our" triumphs and sor-
rows, not an entertainment
produced for your amuse-
ment. Because life is not a
reality show.
 Get one, and you'll see.

 2009 The Miami Herald.
Distributed by Tribune Media
Services, Inc.

Editor's note: Rihanna was
born in Barbados.
0


There are so many obsta-
 cles to true love before
 we can truly know who is
the right person for us.
 For some of us, it may take
years to find the right person,
while for others it's the prover-
bial love at first sight.
 Whatever happened to the
phrases, "Haste makes ,.M1L ,
"Fools rush in where angels
fear to trLdd "Take time to
know her", "Marry in haste,
repent at leisure?" There are
so many, and for each there is a
counter, or someone giving
advice as to what to do.
 No wonder those advice
columns are so popular, as peo-
ple want to know exactly what
they're getting into before
making that potentially fateful
plunge. It's easy when buying a
car or house, as all one has to
do is make a thorough investi-
gation of both. Oh if we could
do that with prospective spous-
es, but we can't.

SIGNS
 In romance or relation-
ships, there are certain signs
that you should look for before
making that fateful leap, certain
obstacles that will prove too dif-
ficult to overcome, that will
doom it from the beginning.
 For example, is it wise to
engage in a relationship with a
woman who is much older?
First there is the self esteem
and insecurity of the older
woman dealing with the
younger man. Many women
suffer from low self esteem,
insecurity and jealousy, even
those who are young, attrac-
tive, educated and even quite
beautiful. Now just imagine
how a woman who is much
older than her spouse must
feel, knowing, or at least won-
dering, if he's going to leave
her for a younger woman.
 Now I don't want you
older ladies to pillory me now,
but would you want your 20-
year-old son settling down with
a 40-year-old woman, your best
friend perhaps? Makes you
think now, doesn't it?

LONG DISTANCE
 Then there are long dis-
tance relationships. Now why
in heaven's name would some-

/f/ I,.E


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I n T


LW-S^^ caribbeantoday


 Can previous
 children be a
 hindrance to a
 relationship?
 Now that's a
 tough one, as
 children can
 be such a joy
 But they can
 TONY also prove to
 ROBINSON be major
 obstacles in
 relationships,
and tales of the wicked step-
mother or abusive stepfather
are not unfounded.
 If you meet a woman and
she already has a child, that
can be cool. If she has two, the
stakes rise a bit. But if she has
three or more, that can prove
to be a major obstacle. I'm not
saying in all cases, but an
instant family for a young man
can create major problems;
worse if those kids have differ-
ent fathers. The same applies
to women who meet men with
multiple baby mothers too. Just
think, will he stop with you?
 Another obstacle is the in-
law. Nothing is worse than a
meddling in-law, and they
should be outlawed.
 So as you race on this
romantic road, there are certain
obstacles that we must steer
clear of, run around, push aside
and avoid, for if we don't, those
same obstacles will become a
ball and chain around your
ankle.

seidol@hotmail. corn
0


one get involved with a long
distance lover? It's hard
enough dealing with someone
who lives right here.
 Some people have it thrust
on them, as after being
involved for a few years, one
has to go away to school, or
work, or something beyond
their control. But why would
you get involved with someone
who lives far from you right
from the beginning?
 And yet people meet while
on vacation, or strike up pen pal
or e-mail relationships and then
think about making it perma-
nent. Bad move, very bad
move. As the old saying goes,
"Love and sea water don't mix".
You can write and phone so
much, e-mail until your fingers
go numb, the fact is, the person
is there and you are here, and
never the twain shall meet.

ORAL BOUNDARIES
 Then what about oral sex,
is it an obstacle to romance?
Well, talking about sex can't do
any harm, but what about the
real deal, getting on down, one
stop above 68, if you know what
I mean? Times have changed. It
is a definite obstacle if she
wants it, expects it, demands it
and he doesn't, for she'll seek it
elsewhere. So just do what the
majority of Caribbean men do,
indulge her, but lie about it to
your male friends.
 The same applies to sexual
incompatibility, for if there is
inequality, don't even go there.
If appetites vary greatly, it's
doomed from the start.


 Oral Surgery
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(305) 666-4334


Obstacles to romance


PAUL W. MOO YOUNG, D.D.S.

 FAMILY DENTISTRY


EMERGENCY WALK-IN SERVICE


March 2009