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Never return to old stomping grounds


((Oh to turn back the hands
 of time," they say, or, "If I
 knew now what I knew then,
things would be different."
 Well, I always say what's
past is past, what's gone is gone,
it's all water under the bridge,
so it's best we leave it be.
 Still, some people insist on
trying to recapture the past, go
back to the glory days, relive
their youth, or worse yet, return
to a former lover. Well, take it
from me, you shouldn't go back.
Have you ever gone back to your
old primary or prep school and
wander through the classrooms?
The first thought that hits you, is
how small everything seems, the
classroom, the tiny desks and
chairs and the playground.
Everything just seems so out of
proportion and you wonder how
you ever managed to fit into that
tiny world. You have grown.
 What is true is that memo-
ry is selective, and usually we
tend to remember only the
good things from past relation-
ships, hence the saying, the
good old days. Heck, there was
nothing particularly good about
the good old days. They were
just normal days, fraught with
peril and misfortune as well as
good times. But as time passed,
we, by process of elimination,
sifted out the bad times and left
only the good memories, and
voila, it's the good old days.
 As the book "A Tale of
Two ( IIIc, said: "It was the
best of times, it was the worst
of tim c,. The same applies to
relationships, and if you had
the experience of leaving one,
it's best to leave well enough
alone and don't return. There is
a reason why you left in the
first place. Either she left you
or you left her, or it was by
mutual agreement. But what
matters is that things got so bad
that you had to part ways.

JUSTIFICATION
 Now years have passed and
the selective memory kicks in,
and suddenly she looks so
appealing again and you want
to have another go. Big mis-
take. First you try to justify all
the reasons to return. "Oh, I
must forgive and forget, let
bygones be bygones, I must
turn the other cheek and take
her back." You only say that
now because your selective
memory has erased all the pain
and hurt that she put you
through over the years. You
forgot the tears, the pain,
anguish and anger that you felt
when she tore up your heart.
If you're a lady, the grief that
he put you through as he ran
around with your best friend
has perhaps abated, and now
you're willing to give him a sec-
ond chance. "Oh, he has
changed, and he won't hurt me
again," you think.
 So whether you are man or
woman, you reckon that the
past relationship is worth


another shot,
so you decide
to turn back
the hands of
time and give it
another go.
 Well first
of all, time has
marched on,
and as time TONY
passed, so have ROBINSON
both parties
grown. Many
people expect to just pick up
exactly where they left off
when they broke up years ago.
She was 25, he was 30, now she
is 30 and he is 35. It's been a
long five years of separation
and plenty water has gone
under the bridge. Yet so many
couples just expect to resume
life the same place that they
left it.

REALITY CHECK
 After a few weeks ilere', a
harsh reality check, as the world
comes crashing down when reali-
ty sets in and both realize that
things and times have put a dif-
ferent spin on the relationship.
No longer is she the young naive
waif like girl who he could bowl
over with his charms. When they
were together he was her idol
and she hung on to every word
that he said like a starry eyed
pupil listening to a professor. In
those five years apart she has
grown, gained her independence,
became .,,c rli1c increased in
stature, has more self esteem,
landed a great new job and is
certainly not dependent on any
man, including him, for anything.
 Or flip it, he has grown
tremendously, while she has
remained the same disco queen
of yesteryear, still flitting from
club to club every weekend
night, refusing to mature and be
responsible. For her, the party
has not ended. What happens
too, is that the circle of friends
on both sides may have expand-
ed or become different, and
suddenly he or she is thrust into
a world not of their liking.
"Who are those people that
she's now hanging about with? I
can't relate to them at all" Or,
"Now he's taken up with a rum


before you, but to know that in
the six years that you've been
apart, it's about two or three
different men who have run
through, partook of your pre-
cious fruit. It's perhaps a bit
much to bear. Now when you
make love to her all you can
think about is those big tough
back dudes who encroached on
your property. The thought is
often agonizing, and even
though it might not manifest
itself in the bI-iiiiiiiinn after a
while it will seep through and
come to the fore. And that's
why you should not return.

'DAMAGED GOODS'
 Interestingly, this doesn't
 seem to bother women as much
 as men, as it's mostly men who
 have expressed this to me. "My
 God, every time I see her talk-
 ing to a man I wonder if she
 had a thing with him when we
 were apart. I now see her as
 damaged p, d, .
 What happens when you go
 back is the past somehow
 creeps back in, and the selective
 memory isn't as selective as it
 used to be. Suddenly you start
 to remember his annoying little
 habits, how lazy he was around

 Minister Stephenson King last
month dismissing reports that
he planned to resign over the
current crisis within his govern-
ment that was sparked by calls
by disgruntled legislators for
the dismissal of Economic
Affairs Minister Ausbert
D'Auvergne.

* "Whatever may have
inspired and motivated it
(embargo), it belongs to an era
that is long past" Jamaica's
Prime Minister Bruce Golding
last month calling for the lifting
of the United States-imposed
economic embargo on Cuba.

* "When one gets a feeling of
invincibility, of arrogance, then
that is the time the party must
take stock" Ken Valley,
deputy leader of the ruling
People's National Movement
(PNM) in Trinidad and
Tobago, last month calling for
the removal of Prime Minister


drinking gambling crowd, I am
certainly not used to that."
 Another reason why you
shouldn't return is because of
what took place in that dash
between when you broke up
and now. Suddenly, the woman
who was once only yours, now
has a history of exes in the
space between then and now.
Your virgin bride has been sul-
lied, tainted by recent experi-
ences. It was all well and good
if she had a boyfriend or two


* "The relationship between the
police force and the community
has to be 100 percent. You can-
not demand respect from peo-
ple; you have to earn it and once
you earn it any problem is sur-
mountable"- Jamaica's recently
appointed Minister of National
Security Trevor MacMillan last
month discussing his solution to
the crime problem.

* "I am not too
sure where this
is coming from
but I am the
prime minister;
I am here to
serve and I will
continue to
serve in the interest of the
people" St. Lucia' s Prime


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 the house, how dependent he is
 on his mother even now, and
 the floodgates of the negative
 waters of hell burst open as you
 remember everything. Suddenly
 he remembers that she was sexy
 only once or twice for the
 month, but his selective memo-
 ry had blocked out the periods
 of forced .bi iniiciL. c
 As romantic as it may seem
 my friends, you can't return. My
 findings are backed up by scien-
 tific \i.1ii K il data which proves
 that most second tries do not
 work. Always remember, things
 had to get really bad for you to
 have parted in the first place, so
 why do you think that those bad
 things have gone away?
 If you want to relive the
 past, it's best to get someone
 who closely resembles your ex.
 That way you'll have the best
 of both worlds same physical
 appearance, but a brand new
 experience. Perhaps she will
 bring you crosses too, but at
 least it's new crosses.
 You can't return, just look
 ahead and stop trying to relive
 the past.

 seidol@hotmail. com


Patrick Manning last month.

* "The recent downturn in the
U.S. economy is not impacting
the interest in the Caribbean" -
Alec Sanguinetti, director gen-
eral of the Caribbean Hotel
Association, expressing opti-
mism last month about the
region's tourism future.

* "I'm very disappointed. I've
had sleepless nights after that
hearing. I think what happened
is unfortunate" Richie
Richardson, a member of the
West Indies Cricket Board dis-
ciplinary committee and former
captain of the region's team, last
month hitting out at the deci-
sion to ban Marlon Samuels for
two years over his involvement
with an alleged Indian bookie.

Compiled from CMC and
other sources.


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June 2008