MARCH 15, 1862.] F U i201


 ALMANACK AND DIARY.
 METEORILLOGICAL AND ASTRILLOGICAL NOTICES.
MERCURY will, during the present month, give some star-tling revela-
 tions concerning certain frauds in the scales department.
THE PAST YEAR.-The will of the past year 1861 has been proved;
 among other bequests, he leaves the entire management of the
 future to the Zodiac, his heir and a-sign.
ARIES (the Ram) advertises some fine wethers to be sold.
PROMOTION.-U-rsa Major to rank as Captain.
 MARCII.

 9 5 A Rising Clergyman gives a Preach of Promise.
 10 M Anniversary Festival of the best Coal Ashurance Com-
 pany. Procession to the Coal Hole, headed by the
 directors in sacks. Banner bearing motto (from
 Coke), "Who don't like,' lump." At coallation the
 press will not be admitted, as their doings will be
 screened from the public eye. Band will play, "Old
 King Coal." Coallection will be made for the Reformed
 Cinders.
 11 Tu Declaration of independence at Charing Cross, by any
 one who has time to make it.
 12 W FuN-der and brightening up of our readers' faces.
 13 TH The day will be carried in procession by M. COLLIER,
 M.P., and six independent voters.
 14 F FAte day at the Amalgamated Mutual Detection Society.
 There will be a cricket match, at which the members
 will catch one another out.
 15 S Bathing in Brook-street, from two till four.
 THE GARDEN.
 Garden Edging.-No. 1. Take an old box, break off the top, and
then lid it alone. This is pretty. No. 2. Get two people to keep up a
conversation by your flower-beds, then edge in a word now and then.
This is prettier. No. 3. Plant a geranium, then edge away from it.
This is prettiest.
 Drainage.-Read several of DEAN TRENCH'S books; then take a spade,
 and with great dignity commence your work. When you are tired,
 stop and refresh yourself by saying, "What the diggings! then at it
 again with renewed vigour. If a friend calls, dig him in the ribs, and
 say, "That's the diggit for soup!" Dig deep for amusement; when you
 find it, be happy. Should a neighbour ask you to dig for him, digline.
 Birds.-Are very troublesome just now. Charge them eighteen
 pence for the use of a trap for the day; they won't come again. Or
 perhaps even a better plan is to sow some mignion-nets, which are at
 once a bait and a snare.

 GYMNASTICS FOR BOYS.
 Health and exercise must be sought in March, or at any time when
 you mnay; jump, then, at the notion of turning the spring season to
 account. Wear a spring hat, set springs to catch woodcocks, get a
 portrait of SPRING, the celebrated prizefighter, and spring-kle a
 libation to HERR CULES, the German deity presiding over gymnastics.
 Boys, if you will be boys, be full of life-boys, and if you wish to grow
 up to man's estate (originally the garden of Paradise, now a matter
 of fortune, or, if not, of chance), in a healthily developed form of muscu-
 lar Christianity, please attend to the following directions : -
 Place.-A room should be set apart entirely for purposes of those
 essentially English exercises. If your father won't build you a place
 for your ropes and poles, you must do the best you can for yourself.
 A very fair gymnasium may be constructed thus: Remove the poles
 which support the bed curtains and drawing curtains; punch a hole
 in the drawing-room wall; should the butler object, punch his head
 (this by the way); screw one end of the pole in the wall, and rest the
 other end horizontally-on a chair back; punch more holes (butler's head,
 if required, as before), and then see if you can fix the poles securely
 into the wall, resting one end on a chair; screw chairs into floor;
 tie poles on to chair backs; and with this rude apparatus you'll be
 able to get on for some time (at all events, until your father comes
 home), and make a fair start.
 First Exercise.-Preparatory Stretching.-Talk for an hour on the
 stretch.
 Second Exercise.-Place three fingers of your right hand on the
 nearest pole, scratch it. This is very pretty, and suits beginners.
 Third Exercise.-Go down into the cellar for a vault. Find vault
 with everything, and return.
 Fourth Exercise.-Get your grandfather's wig (or any one's), your
 aunt's gown, and thus attired, practise at the bar.
 Fifth Exercise.-Swing.-Go quietly to the preserve cupboard, take


your foil swing; and if discovered you'll prolbihly gel t swinging box
on the ear. Then play the piano and swing to it..
 Sixth Exercise.-The Flying Man.-'Tie strong ropes to the drawinlg-
room chandelier; hold on to tle ropes (about six athletes required
for this), and swing yourselves against the walls, vccasionally- toulhing
the floor with your foot. This, if neatly done, will be immensely
applauded, and would probably bring dCowl heo house.
 Scvrecth Exercise.-Take a turn round tlio house.
 Last Game for the Tired Ones.--Ring the bell, and order luncheon :
footman will come with tray heavily laden ; hide behind door, and
suddenly rush out upon him. Unless he himself is an athlete, ho
will fall. This gymnastic game is called '' The Jingle."


 THE COMIC ENCYCLOPEDIA
 OF FUNNY AND ENTERTAINING KNOWLEDGE.
 .- BSTRACTION.-A mere nrii-
 trary act of tle mind, by which
 a certain attrilute is considered
 apart from any other attributes
 S-_ I' with which it mlay happen to
 ble associated. A person of a
 peculiar turn of mind, seeing
 your handkerchief exposed in
 \ your coat-pocket, may thus lix
 S]his attention on one pnrti eiulr
 Subject, regardless of the oiiter
 __A with which it. is associated, and
 so complete abstraction niiy be
 the result.
 S\--- ACAEtniY is derived from thll
 name of the Greek hero,
 ACADnEatmu, who turned hli gar-
 /'-- dden in the suburbs of Athens
 S- into a school for gymnnstio
 exercises. The garden after-
 wards became the property of
 SCIM(IoN, son of il.lTIADES, Who
 by his will left if, to the publlic,
 Sand was afterwards called t8i1-
 S PI|, CO IION in consequences.
 PLATro establ listed his fitious
 _'%--J sellcool hl'ro, but his plulils be-
 Scoming imuch iindlobltd to him,
 which w as very uniilreonming oin
 ,f ll\ their part, it required all tlh
 f\n= flaous coolness of ltie philo-
 sopher to fiel loss of tees with
 equanimity. In fact, this was one ofthe owilldst of PLATO's speculna ions.
 AcousTics.-The science of sound, buti, being dependientl Otircly
 on what we have hoard, can Ihrdly be regardedl as a sound siiellene.
 A bell when rung in an exhausted receiver scarcely gives tort h alny
 sound, and, on the same principle, those who ripply to "a cnptly ltrca-
 sury, which is of course an exhausted receiver, ire genK'nilly u11nnlo
 to hear of any money. A bell rung under waler, wihero iof courini it
 was wringing wet, has been very well heard by niln xperimntialist
 who has plunged his head under the sameo ibody of water twxlvo
 hundred feet away, and thus any steamiboa:t paIssenger, liy putting lle
 head at one o'clock under the Thanmes at Liomon Bridge, may Ilis-
 tinctly hear the dinner-bell in the tunnel if it should be ringing at.
 the time. If not, ho must wait till it is. 'Tle strongest band of
 music produces no sensible wind in any direction, so that the lprov-erb,
 As mad as a March air," is clearly explained. 'lhe drum or tym-
 panum of the ear is the immediate communicator of sound, which
 may be proved by boxing the ears of a boy in the street, wlhn, the
 drum being beaten, a succession of loud sounds will be heard directly.
 AcRE.-A measure of land which in different parts of the United
 Kingdom is of different value. One acre contains four roods, and
 each rood is equivalent to forty porches ; but if you have ten birdcages,
 with four perches in each, the boast of having one acre in consequence
 would be very likely to make one rood.
 ACROBAT is a word derived from the Greek (iailno, I go, and akron,
 an extremity),and thus literally signifies one who goes to an extreme.
 The height to which the art of the acrobat has boon carri.il
 by BLONDIN, and the length to which LEOTAl.rt has gone in another
 direction, are well known. The latter has been called "The Flying
 Man," because he uses his swings to take his a-crow-bat-ic flights.
 The sprites at the various theatres are remarknble for their modera-
 tion in diet, for though they have each of them an awful twist, they
 do not appear to have ever had a joint.


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