250 F NT [MinH 8, 1862.


COOL AND CANDID.


play-acting people. But DR. WIIorslIIEr is a man of very wretched
notions, and has sent a partition to Parliament asking that no houses
of entertainment may be opened in Lent time, which will be rather
hard on the poor innkeepers. They tell me that DR. W. is very
"low in his views ; I'm sure if Mli. H. knew this, he would at once
remove JOHN from DR. WIIO'SIIEa's anatomy, for he dislikes anythilig
vulgar. Our first visit will be to St. Paul's Cathedral, which is, I
believe, like St. Peter's at Rome, only of different contortions. But,
oh! sister ANNE, what do you think of the London clergy ? They
actually allow dancing in the cathedral just like a set of dancing
radishes in India or Mesopotaria, or Van Demon's Lanid or some-
where, for I'm not, as the French say, ofay at geometry. Yes, they
allow these capers, and charge for them too, advertising it in a daily
paper as St. Paul's Cathcdral, to the Ball, Is. Gd." I haven't heard
whether it's a county ball or only a little hop, but we intend going in
full dress. MARY and myself are just off to an artist's in Regent-
street to have our paragraphs taken. MR. H. says that the portraits
are safe to be hideous, but that's just like him. I will send you one.
Hoping you will soon be effervescent and able to join us, I remain
your affectionate sister, MARY ANNE HODGKINSON.
 P.S.-My husband has just come in, and says that he has received
an order to go to Covent Garden Theatre. Order, indeed! I at once
refused, saying that I was out for pleasure, and wouldn't be ordered
about by anybody. MR. H. explained that it was a favour; viewing it
in this light, I consented to oblige him. So delightful! we are to go
to the English Opera, and hear Miss PINEANARRISON. It's the first
time that I or MARY ever went to a theatre, and she, dear girl, is
mad with joy, and jumping about as if she had St. Titus's dance.
u 1n A T


 on s a" I ear all aboub iu in my ne. M... 4U .



 QUINTESSENCE OF BLACKSTONE.
 DEDICATED TO THE MOST NOBLE ORDER OF ENGLISH BLACKGUARDS.
 1. TIIE wise policy of English law is to regard property, sacred pro-
 perty, as of greater value than common life or limb. Attention to the
 Following concise dicta will prevent any misconception in those who
 prefer to feather their nests by becoming specimens of what is in
 Latin termed fur.
 One stolen watch begets three times the imprisonment that three
 Waiter :-"There's a roast beef, roast pork, fried sole, cod-an- bitten-offnoses do.
 oyster sore, haryco mutton, veal an' bacon, jugged air, and veal- It is more heinous to smash plate-glass than human heads.
 an-rnm pie." The fool steals his enemy's loaf, and gets six months; the wise
 ('ent --"What else?" man crushes his enemy's jaw, and geti one week.
 laPiter--" Chops, steaks, mulagatawny, gravy-soup, a roast Better to knock out teeth than to knock off a shop front.
 beef, n. roast mutton, ornch of venison." It is a peccadillo to stab a man, but a hideous crime to steal his
 Gent :-" Umpli! Bring me a glass of water and a biscuit." peters.
 Marital correction, in the shape of a poker red-heated or not, is
 permissible; and, if under the influence of liquor, praiseworthy.
 Rather pour boiling water over a foe than over his pictures.
 Quart pots used as missiles are allowable: are they not inseparable
 LETTERS FROM NIGH LATITUDES.-No. 1. from a man's bier?
FROM M RS. HODGKINSON, OF LITTLE PUMPTON-ON-THE-LINE, SLOPSHIRE, Stealing a ring is a frightful crime; biting off a ring finger a venial
 TO MISS ANNE BtODGOER, OF THE SAME TOWN, SPINSTER. fault
 S ss A E Bo OF TE SAE TOWN, SPINSTER. The above decisions are collected from a (very) late edition of
 Old Exeter Hotel, Sleet-street, W.C., Feb. 1862. BLACKSeTONE, as edited by certain infallible metropolitan magistrates.
 DEAR ANNE,-I promised to write to you on my arrival in the modern
Babyland, which some folks call, though why I never could make out,
the great Convolvulus. Yes, here I am for the first time in my life, in
such a state of nervous propriety that I can scarcely hold a pen. My A RIDDLE.
head aches with the noise of the carriages over the stones, which they "That like a wounded snake, drags its slow length along."
say were laid down by ADAM ; but people who've lived at Pumpton allf the pythoness at the Zoological Gardens being some
their lives know better than tat. Before I go on, I do hope that your TE eggs of the pythoness at the Zoological Gardens being some
pain has gone off; a toothache is such a dreadful affair, and sticks to of them addled, some broken, and some still in a fair way to come to
one for days like gum, as one may say, and you'll continue to be bad perfection, what is the best thing to put up over the den, in order at
if you trust that DocToR SPINKS, who always makes a mountain out of once to mourn the death and herald the birth of the little pythons ?
a molar. If you want to get rid of the man and the tooth, pick a hatch-ment.
quarrel with him, and have it out. If I was you, I should come up
to London, and try the new o-my-apathy system, which I find, on
asking, answers very well. Of course, MR. HO;GKINSON (wlo will be DRAWING AND QUARTERING.-AS the Austrians cannot manage to
so reverse in some ti.ings) wishes that he had never come up here, draw money for their taxes in Hungary, they quarter troops in the
and does nothing but grumble all day. MARY, the dear child, and non-paying places, and so cat up their revenue. This is a very ex-
myself have laid out a regular plan for every day in the week ; Mlit. pensive mode of tax-collecting, we are told, in spite of the voracity of
II. says we shall be regularly laid up at the end of it; and when the the soldiers, who, one would think, would take out the taxes fully in
Exhibition is open we shall give all our time to imploring that build- food, being always in a Hung(a)ry state.
ing, and admiring the works of several masters of arts, also acts of WHICH NOBODY CAN DENY.-"Now, SAMno, here's a good 'un."
virtue and other things, which at present I'm told are quite unfit to What am dat, Ji ? "Why am FUN like do sun ? Donow, Jl..
be seen. As MARY says, it will be a regular exposed. We intend to Gib it up." "Shut yer eyes, SAil, and open dem wen I splain to
visit all the theatres, which DR. WIIOPSHER, JOHN'S schoolmaster at yer, and den you will see dat what I say is right. Dat paper FUN is like
Clapham, calls temples of the liar, which is rather a hard name for de sun, because it is the centre ob de-light in dis world! "