F UIN-.


[FEBROARY 22, 1862.


 CAUTION.
DON'T MAKE A "TRIPOD" OF YOURSELF WITH YOUR WALKING-STICK IN "ROTTEN ROW," AS THE RESULT IS FREQUENTLY EMBARRASSING
 AND INELEGANT.


 THE SCHOOLMASTER ABROAD.
 Ir anybody will take up the Times of the l1th February, and will
" run his eye down tho column of educational advertisements, he
will find his attention arrested by the following astounding announce-
ment:-
EDUCATION.-At their own terms, but in good conscience proposed.-
1 Parents and guardians, widows and widowers, anxious to give their youth,
before they put them into any business, a year's training, with or without holi-
dlays, to be dated from his entry, in a first-rate BOARDING SCHOOL, of
I united number, near town, to be perfect (even if backward) in writing, commer-
cial and polite correspondence, sums, French thoroughly, and gentlemanly
manners, will do well to address Original Promoter, Watford, Herts. Teachers
-An experienced graduate in honours (a D.D.) of Cambridge; for languages-
an eminent foreign professor, also a graduate, and a distinguished author.
Younger boys and foreigners are also daily received.
 In preparing to tackle this remarkable pieco of composition, we feel,
for once, at a total loss. We don't know where to begin. There is
such an ingenious complication of relatives and possessives, of singu-
lars and plurals, of copulatives and disjunctives, of nominatives with-
out verbs, and of verbs without nominatives, that we feel ourselves
fairly pulled up at the threshold of our task. At whose terms ? At
the terms of the parents and guardians, or at those of the Original
Promoter's? Why "in good conscience proposed"? In all conscience,
what does it mean? What in the world can warrant the Original
Promoter in assuming that the parents and guardians, widows and
widowers, have only ono youth among them? In alluding to this
youth, why does he subsequently speak of him as them. Is the boy
an editor or a scion of royalty ? If ho is either of these, why fly
back to the singular in the next sentence, and allude to "his entry"?
Is it the year's training, or the holidays, or the first-rate BOARDING
ScHooL, or the limited number, or the town, that is to be perfect (even
if backward) in writing, commercial and polite correspondence ? What
does the 0. P. mean by being perfect in "French thoroughly"? And,
lastly, was this advertisement drawn up by the experienced graduate
in honours (a D.D.) of Cambridge, by the eminent foreign professor,


or by the distinguished author ? Oh! in charity, let us hope that it
is the production of the eminent foreign professor!
 Joking apart, there is something very terrible in the matter-of-course
manner in which the broken-down cheesemonger, thq fraudulent
bankrupt, and the servant out of place, resort to school-keeping as a
genteel and lucrative branch of unskilled labour. Our friend the
Original Promoter is a harmless fellow enough: lie is simply a clumsy,
conceited ignoramus, who cannot perceive his own deficiencies, and
who, by drawing up his own advertisement instead of giving a seedy
scholar a shilling to do it for him, completely defeats himself. It
would be well if all these educational quacks were as harmless as our
Original Promoter.


 HUNTING FOR A NEEDLE IN A BOTTLE OF HAY.
 A LADY advertises in the Record for a cook, who is, if possible, a
Christian." We do not wonder at her doubting the possibility of
finding such a being among the readers of the Record. A Christian-wo
have it from the Highest Authority-is a cheerful, charitable, forgiving,
kindly human creature, not a morose, evil-speaking, implacable,
unsympathizing bigot. It was our fortune to travel in an omnibus
the other day with a person who was reading, or pretending to read,
a pious book of the Record class, such as that worthy paper commends.
This person, sitting next but one to the door, never moved an inch to
convenience people coming in, and the only thing he said the whole
way was (when a passenger dropt a penny on the floor of the 'bus),
" Ah! in the winter it's a favourite trick to put a quantity of straw
in the bottom. They got a lot of money in that way."


 A VERY SENSIBLE CHANGE.--In consequence of the many extremely
scandalous and demoralizing revelations which have lately been made
in SIR C. CRESSWELL'S Court, it is, for the future, to be called the
" Court of Reprobate and Divorce!"


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