FUN%.


[FEBRUARY 15, 1862.


 VALENTINE'S DAY.
 MATERFAMILTAS, front the Couiiry, proceeds to post a letter to Devonshire to her sneall
Boy loq. :-"CHUCK THIS 'ERE TWALENTINE IN ALONG WITH YOUR'N, MISS:"


 OUR PRIZE ESSAYS.
 THE announcement of MR. AL-D T-NYS--N's accession to
 our regular staff-lihe having previously contributed on the modest
 footing of an "outsider "-has caused a stir amongst the rhymesters,
 who openly express their fears concerning a fair field and no favour "
 for those who may compete for the Prize Essay. We beg to assure
Search and all that the Laureate's position as a salaried humourist on
this publication will not affect our judgment when the time shall
arrive for awarding the palm of merit, which will be a decided pat on
on the back for anybody who may succeed in gaining it.
 We have received a great quantity of indifferent verse, with a
 disproportionate amount of postage stamps. The former we have
 carefully thrown into our waste-paper basket; and the stamps are
 left with our publisher till called for-by requirements of the office.
 An improvisation by MR. CII-s SL-- -N, wittily setting forth in
 turn the peculiarities of other competitors, has been in preparation
 for several weeks. We had hoped that it would be finishedin time for
 the present number. Failing the treat which our readers might have
 derived from this effusion, the following elegant and moral ditty, by
 another distinguished song-writer, will perhaps be more or less
 generally acceptable:-

 No. 9.-BY DOCTOR CII-s M-K-Y.
 I'n a plain man as you know, bu; I think as matters go,
 That 1 do the handsome thing and make no buzz, BILL JONES.
 With humility I say I'm as honest as the day,
 And handsome is, you see, as handsome does, BILL JONES.
 If you're getting in a hash for the want of ready cash,
 Though I've lost a deal by money that I've lent, BILL JoNEs,
 You know where you can come for a small but useful sum,
 At the trifling rate of thirty-five per cent., BILL JONES.


A RHYMING HISTORY OF THE SOUTHERN
 COMMISSIONERS.
 MASON and SLIDELL
 Were 'stopped in the middle
 Of the channel, the Trent packet tost in;
 And SLIDELL and MASON,
 The Yankees did hasten
 To the fortress of Warren, near Boston.
 Soon MAsoN and SLIDELL
 Were, like a hard riddle,
 "Given up by the Federal party;
 But when SLIDELL and MASON
 Reached Southampton bason,
 Their reception was not very hearty.

IMPORTANT TO THOSE WHO "ENJOY BAD
 HEALTH."
 IT was said of us long ago by FROISSART,
that we were a people who took our pleasures
sadly; and this opinion is most remarkably
confirmed by the management of the Covent
Garden company, who, for the special enter-
tainment of their numerous friends during
the Christmas holidays, have provided as
their leading attractions in opera and panto-
mime-what do our country readers suppose ?
why, PINE and PAYNE!

 WE PAUSE FOR A REPLY.-Is it true that
PROFESSOR BLACKIE, in lecturing on the
battle of Cannia, gave the following sum-
mary of the contest:-" Ech, sirs! but it
were a cannie fecht! "
 APOTHIEGM BY OUR MISOGANIST.-Marriage
is like the prose of a chapter; courtship is
like the poetical heading to the same.
 NEW NAME.-We hear that the name of
MR. WINDHAM's estate is to be changed from
Fellbrigg, to Fell-timber Hall!
 QUITE OBnvous.-When a jury's packed,
the sooner it's started as well, the bettor.
 WORD OF COMMAND FOR THE CHRISTIAN
SOLDIER.-Present-Al-ms!


 In morals I am strong, and I say that sorrow's wrong,
 Or anything whatever of the kind, BILL JONES;
 So never heed at all misfortunes great or small,
 And don't let grief or trouble fret your mind, BILL JONES.
 But on another's part you should keep a tender heart,
 And to the voice of misery give ear, BILL JONES;
 And if a friend should sink, till he stands on ruin's brink,
 Be ready with a sympathetic tear, BILL JONES.
 I'm as fond as any one of a good long squint at Fux,
 And laugh like mad at all the prose and rhyme, BILL JONES;
 No penny do I pay, for I've none to throw away,
 Bat I read it in the windows when I've time, BILL JONES.
 So my advice to you, as to what you've got to do,
 Is copy me as nearly as you can, BILL JONES;
 And who can tell but what it may one day be your lot
 To be almost as respectable a man, BILL JONES.



 A MISPRINT.
 "Varnish, as supplied to the Board of Ordnance," according to an
advertisement in a contemporary, ought surely to run "as applied to
the Board of Ordnance." That the article should be supplied to that
body is not inits favour certainly, Government officials being notorious
for using the worst materials at the highest prices. But that the
varnish should be applied to the Board, conceal its blemishes, and lend
it an appearances of soundness-this is indeed a recommendation.


 Very QUERY.-Is Mn. GEORGE SALA any relation to Mar-Sala?


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