FTU T.


[FEBRUARY 15, 1862.


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 TRYING FOR PERKINS.

Street Boy :-" COME ON, BILL! FOLLER MY LEADER."


 A VALENTINE
 Addressed by MR. JAMES MACE, Champion of England, to MR. TOM
KING, whom he had the pleasure of meeting on 28th of January, 1862.
 IT was a glorious day in June that I became the first
 Of England's Prize Ring heroes, for then I conquered HuasT.
 And then, dear KING,
 In rope-stak'd ring
 I won the belt that was his.
 Since then we've met;-but stay, old feller,
 I must inquire how's your smellerr,"
 Which some folks term proboscis ?
 My blow thereon did disconcert you,
 I'm very much afraid I hurt you,
 For when out gushed your claret fruity,
 I said, as I matured my plan,
 England expects that I'm the man
 Who'll rather spoil his beauty.
 You came up merry with a smiling face,
 I with no sort of grin was still grim MACE ;
 And though so stern, yet I may safely say,
 That neither kept his count'nance on that day.
 After the last and forty-second round,
 When Time" was cried, you did appear so done, KING,
 That as you senseless lay on mother ground,
 I saw like winking that the fight I'd won, KING.
 Now to thy health I raise the chalice,
 Brimming with stout-I bear no malice!
 Come let your arms thy pal entwine,
 And I will be thy Valentine.


IF YOU TREAD UPON A WORM IT WILL TURN.
 WE were amused at reading in the Times, a week ago, the report
of an action brought by a MR. BUGG (poof!) against Mn. HARPER
TWELVETEEES, of washing-crystal, vermin-destroying, and metro-
politan-radical-borough-contesting notoriety. MR. 'TWELVETREES
(who lives neither at Nine Elms nor at Sevenoaks) has for many
years devoted himself ta the extirpation of certain highly objection-
able insects, which are seldom alluded to in polite society except
under the cloak of a facetious soubriquet, but which we, with our
distinguishing contempt for the trammels of convention, and a
laudable desire to call a spade a spade, unhesitatingly identify as
bugs. One of their community, unable to stand it any longer,
instructs his solicitor to commence proceedings against the Destroyer.
This is simple retribution, and excepting that the vindictive little
creature in its thirst for revenge has, with a devilish malignity,
entrusted the blood-letting to a set of lawyers instead of operating in
proprii person, calls for no special remark. The really curious
feature of the case is the fact that political considerations have
evidently influenced the unsavoury plaintiff in taking these proceed-
ings. The BUGG of the action evidently bears the same relation to
the bug of domestic bliss that the SMYTHES and BROUNES of society
do to the SMITHs and BROWNS of humble life. He is evidently a
genteel bug-a Conservative, and as such, cannot submit to be
poisoned at the hand of such a radical as MR. TWELVETREES. If he is
to be poisoned at all, it must be by a gentlemanly vermin-destroyer,
of Conservative tendencies. Like the showman's bear, he will only
dance to the genteelest of tunes.

 Why are we the worst judges of cattle ?-Because we think the
PorE's bull is always a bore.


Fr
i 216


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