FEBRUARY 15, 1862.] IF I 2'1


 AA iMrITANA Ai DIARY A r. LE, No. 1.-How to toll a number whilc you
 A LMVANACIK/ AIND DIARY. haven't seen. Think of some number which you haven't. seen, tholI
 METEOPJLLOJICAL AND ASTREILLOGICAL NOTICES. tell it to any one who will listen.
THE VOICE OF THE STARS.-A message from several of the principal How To DiscoVEr TilHE ToTi rAt, .\ NY Possli.ri Sn Ri IN Ainri in. -
 planets has been received at the Royal Observatory that any further Ask any member of thle company (1a good hand, or rallntr I',ul, at(
 observations on their movements will be considered highly offensive. arithmetic should be selected) to write down five or six rows of lilgures,
The wind will be very high during this month, and several soprano one under the other, viz.:-
 airs may be expected. 12 3l 4 5
,LUNxa INFLUENCES.-On the 6th, arrange what you will do on the S 7 (1 5
 7th; on the 7th, change your mind, and settle something else for the 9 1 0 2 3
 8th, on which day get a friend to do it for you. 11th, good day-Lo 4 S 7 1 9
 lie in bed with your boots on. 12th, capital day this. 14th, make ;Then let him add these together: you, in the me:ntimue, n11: of
 a night of it. 15th, no such day, except in Sweden, and then only course be in ignorance of the quantities thus arraniiged; you ill
 by permission of BEN. WEBSTEI, Esq. (T. It. Adclphi). 16th, therefore remain in somo other pare of the room ; bnut as knowl'd: :
 17th, 18th, splendid days! 19th, 20th, and the day after to- of the resulting sum is essential to the success of your game, !ri;at
 morrow, good days for putting on your spurs, sticking a comb in skill must be used in selecting the best moment, for looking ov,,r hin
 your hair, elevating your crest over the front door, reading Mits. shoulder, and in subsequently preserving an entirely uniembarru.scde
 CROWE'S works, and living like a fighting-cock. 23rd, 21th, write demeanour when acquainting him with the total.
 leaders for the four-horsed-Brixton omnibuses. 27th, change this PlmritO'lt' or NuMnlms.--Buy Fur regularly every week, hoard it :
 day and spend it freely. 28th, good day'for playing the cymbals to a and at the close of your valuable life you will pos:ess a wouinleiruli
 deaf gentleman. 29th, 30th, 31st, 32nd, and following days, cat, property of numbers.
 drink, and avoid everything; play fantasias with variations on the
 thermometer. If your servants are lazy in the morning, wring
 your nose to wake them, and be happy. BLONDINISM.

 TEJRUanRY. BY TlI--sr-s C--RL--E.
 LONDIN lil.on-
 9 Oratorio by Churchwardens on their own pipes. LONDi i -'li
 10 M Large assembly at Westminster Hall to hear M SAMUEL dinismi li w
 A WiaMtU sing the "Nerves." anin does is ito o
 11 Tu Oyster drudgery commences in St. Martin's Lane. n A Ml,
 12 i Fux comes forth and first in every one's opinion. ai~ i u, t :,
 13 Tu Financial Discussion in Paris. M1. FouLo taxes his inven- Iilil. A l n

 S F Valentine's Day. Sin CIRESSWELL CIESSWELL sits as t l' l
 usual.
 S usual. Apo folr 'ant-
 15 S Lecture on Phrenology by Mn. SruatGox, illustrated by niino Purosi'.
 the heads of his discourse.
 S the heads of his discourse. Keeping to which Earnest Purpose, he is doisny-is an Ism. 1h,
 Gibbering Ape does Nothing. Fatuous Gorilla does Nothing. Is :;
 THE GARDEN. Ology, it may bo,-never an ]sm. About said Ape indl said (;oill,,
 Potted plants form a nice relish for breakfast. a y ma uch. May lie aboiu, thpm. Aply figlt lInut Illm.
 How TO GET WILD TIIyME.--Procure twenty cuckoo clocks, set But Four-hanlded rultality does Nolling. Infulliblil Silk.nirs ill i m.ir
themn going all different and equally incorrect. I than Apes. More than Gorillas. Yet Arlic,,lal.t-spi.kiik Mdi die
 THE LAxNeGLGEO OF FLOWERS should be carefully studied, especially ;m ore than Intinito Silences. (G.ranuiar-miiid-InIgIli-sh'ldi lii iiio.i-
by bakers, who every morning are accustomed to a flowery delivery. scorning Man, CAi ,rLYE-31an, does iimore. l'or he ills. ll, pan.
Besides possessing a language of their own, flowers can also be madio WVat of this BI.OS N? One, in ll:ick A''rs in )h anil I1 \I i l 
to produce musical sounds ; in order to bring this about, press heavily iEons-a linstrel---tlo I ero a laril. (if lihim, it whiiNi lnir, 1purii Id
with your foot on the petals. Iistory--not believable, or to be believed (except v, l(in \ anltld) tells
 us much. How lie wandered greatly nioved-on bI),,l l o,,.il I'ili,'.
 ETENING AMUSEMENTS. Austria, Constable Y Z, No. O, moving liin on. Neverlth ll'c:: li
 Christmas time passes merrily away, and as during the festive arrives-not in tih Greatness and '.'riutlifulness of Sileit(', fi, hi'
 season we have done our best to enliven the evenings of both young carries a Hland-Organ, Ilurdy-Gurdiy, or music-maker- -at th'e imiu'li-
 and old children, by instructing them in games requiring a certain against-his-will Lodging of Lion II art.
 amount of animal spirits and productive of a genial though somewhat PINNOCK.-anud-lliiUE-and-Sloi.Lir Memory calls out Si '! T'Ilt
 boisterous hilarity, so now, growing older, we intend to place before was BLONIsELr." BL.ONDII:. BI.OsDI,. C:aoutchoulo ('Cut(eli ii fInv.I
 our millions of readers a few games, in all of which amusement is "M or N." Irrevocable Sentenco (:aretmly in prilt) l:ey I, r N. '.
 combined with instruction, and a lofty moral is everywhere inculcated. BLO.'NDI-BiLODEL perfi ........ i il all his M]ight-o1i allothwr Cord
 We commence with an arithmetical puzzle. (N.B. It is taken for than that of Thlruni-Fidile.
 granted that the players from four years old and upwards are AudifasBLoxDIN-BLoNlEr performing, so lsoas iiiiNsiillliIIIr.
 thoroughly acquainted with the simple rules of logarithms, very WhichBlunderlsallbo BiONDIN-Pl'oi'i tottering on rtreitch cilii of
 comic sections, the differential calculus, and have turned their eyes Italy.-Falliblo andd to ffal.l on Bl;,'ayoile-ll Idg' urriiil d
 towards the undulatory theory of optics.) with great carol as hlia defence. Likely to arrive by Winidbag A':iht-
 PUZZLE THE FIRST.-To show that one is equal to two. First anco at Unlimited Grief, as an End of Halancing.
method algebraicallyy): Let a equal one; then let the same x equal Which Blunder shall be BLoNDIN-E-liperor ttriking i Unhiaic'.
two ; then having "lot" so much, you may as well go a step further, Bal'n;co hitting him in return, as being on the Wrong Sidn o, I lliiiilt-
and if no one has any objection, let the first, m equal the latter x; able Debtor and Creditor. Cash Account consequently whirling nito
then x (i.e. 1) = x (i.e. 2), Q.E.D.-Before we go any further we ]Endless Space.
must explain the oft-recurring initials, Q.E.D. They stand for the Whicl Blunder shall be Ballot-Box-President, in Nevcr-nagan-to-be-
natural reply to Why does x (or whatever it may be) equal a (or United States, Balancing National Honour (called in lest I lanIgtul/e,
what you like) ?" the answer being Qos E Do," which of course because Truest, Brag") against English DIemand. Knowing Law of'
settles the question. Demand and Supply. Chaos in White House, long unce,'risin wlhiich
 Second method to show that one is equal to two. Assertthe fact Scaleto Kick. But one thing certain-Kicking to come sonerlwhenco
alone and unsupported; select from the company two objectors very to some one for surrendered Commissioners.
much less than yourself, and physically deficient (invalids preferred) : This-all this (if anything at all)-Blonldinism. 'hlis if It b1w
advance fiercely, and prove scientifically that one is quite equal to found anywhere off Actual Hemp and 'Tangibloe \ir--t ilirot ilily
two. In this second method there should be a fractional balance in of Balance, as expounded by B.ONDIN. Unfounded utteringg 1, lr.
your favour. falling. No Sitting on Rope to mend broken Balance JPol,. Ni
 How TO RAISE xy TOO THE POWER OF THrrr,.-Call at your catching hold otherhow. Only helpless Tuinbling-off, like Tail-lor:
 brewer's; procure a pint of x; pour into a large jug, adding two Dead Sea Ape and Unprehensile-Caudate Gorilla.
 more pints of the same beverage: x will then be raised to the power Thno Awfil Chattering. Then Scratching of Crass Hleads. Awl
 of three. Q.E.B. (qird erat bibc-duln.) breaking of them too Lamed Misery, Spraiwling Despair. SQU(MA.11