190 F T. [JANUARY 25, 1862.
 ^ -)


 EFFECTS OF THE SEASON.
 Jones, who has becn keepingg it up: "-"HA! IIAm VERY ODD. WHO
COULD HAVE I'UT MY BOOTS ON, I WONDER "
 (lie comes to the painful conclusion that he must have slept in them.)


 A SERENADE.
 THE moon undim'd from the azure sky,
 Sprinkles with gold the dimpled lake,
 The fragrant zephyrs sweeping by
 Gently the slumb'ring waters wake.
 They come from the land of deathless flowers,
 Whither the sun at eve repairs,
 Where the laughing band of the rosy hours,
 Flits up and down his golden stairs.
 Then, lady, come! my bark doth rest
 Beside the lake's enamel'd marge,
 A fond impatience stirs my breast,
 Come !-sixpence only is my charge.


 SURGEON AT HOME.
 THERE is a versatility and diversity in the instructive
efforts of the REV. MR. SPURGEON, as much to be noticed as
admired. Having lectured on the natural history of the
gorilla, and made a playful allusion to the natural history of
reporters, whom he facetiously termed the "jackals of the
press," the learned and reverend gentleman, the other day,
gave a lecture on Counterfeits," and was, of course, quite
"at home in his subject.


 A BILL of fare, in the window of a tavern near St. Paul's,
lately exhibited this curious item: Half roast fowl, Is. Cd."
A poultry dinner or lunch is certainly cheap enough at
eighteen pence; but the condition of its being only half
cooked would, in our opinion, render it dear at any price.
 WrY are the depositors in a certain bank like dinners
at the baker's on Sunday?--Because they are done by
one P. M.
 How are we likely to have more walking room on our
pavements this winter ?-Because ladies' hoops are said to
be suspended.
 WHEN does a horse resemble the sea ?-When there's a
swell on it.


 THE SOUTHAMPTON BLOCKADE.
 ATTEND all ye who list to hear the great Republic's praise,
 I sing of the thrice famous deeds she works in modern days;
 I sing the naval shindy that's occurred upon our shore ;
 So, give your orders, gentlemen; and, waiter, shut the door.
 It was about the dreary close of a dull winter's night,
 There came a lively telegram from off the Isle of Wight;
 Our folks had seen a Yankee ship, abreast that famous isle,
 Her crew were chewing many a quid, and taking many a smile."
 So glare they when in A-gin-court in wrath they turn to bay,
 And crash the glass,.and smash the spoon, and dash the drink
 away;
 So glared they when they turned to flight, on -that Virginian field,
 Before South Carolina's sword, and Alabama's'shield!
 Whilst loudly in Southampton taps his hardy sailors boozed,
 Serenely in Southampton Docks COMMANDER PEGRIsM snoozed;
 Till suddenly the message flashed upon his startled car,
 The Tuscarora's coming up, and things is looking queer !"
 As soon as this intelligence upon his senses broke,
 Then, with one start and with one cry, COMMANDER PEGRIM woke!
 And hurriedly lie sprang on deck, and gazed towards the south,-
 A hero's heart was in his breast, a weed was in his mouth :
 In vain he gazed, in vain he stared; he saw no coming foe,
 And therefore judged it just as well to go again below.
 The Tuscarora's coming up !" the messengers proclaim;
The messengers were quite correct-the Tuscarora came;
But ere she reached her hated foe, behold her anchor drop-
"The British Lion's compliments, and thinks you'd better stop "
At night the sound of muffled oars was heard throughout the
 dock
" (Our careless correspondent does not state at what o' clock);
The sentinel (or watchman) hailed a dubious looking boat,-
" Come, tell me, sirs, whose men ye be ? What mischiefs now
 afloat ?


 For mischief surely must be meant when strangers to our shores,
 Attempt to cloak their purposes by using muffled oars.
 Ho, wherefore with combustibles approach our English docks ?
 Ho, wherefore in a friendly port attempt to play GUY FAWKES ? "
 The dubious looking boat, I ween, was quickly moved away,
 But still the watchman paced his beat, impatient for the day.
 Day broke upon Southampton pier, it also broke a Wight-
 (Day frequently does break down there, after the close of night.)
 A feeble ray of sunshine fell upon the Nashville's side,
 A feeble ray of sunshine from the other ship replied;
 The Nashville dared not quit the port-and, on the other hand,
 The Tuscarora's warlike game was brought unto a stand.
 Then CAPTAIN PATEY went to both, and courteously in each,
 He made (as our reporter says) a neat and fluent speech :-
 "Likejealous cats,with backs erect, thatmoanthroughoutthenight-
 Like angry dogs that bark and growl, but-muzzled-cannot bite;
 Let angry North or angry South look fierce, and stern, and glum-
 Let angry South at angry North bite its provoking thumb;
 E'en let them fight-if fight they must-but not so near our shores,
 We keep a quiet house ourselves no brawls within our doors!"
 His teeth bold CAPTAIN CRAvEN gnashed, his sword half left its
 sheath,
 But quiet PEGRIMf merely said, That gnash vill hurt your teeth!
 You show your tusks, you thunder rage, but here on England's shore,
 A tusky roarer only proves a very dreary boar!"
 COMMANDER PEGRIM, 'cute and quick, he bit his under lip,
 Awhile he mused-he chuckled twice-then went and sold his s1hp!
 A crow of triumph then he gave, exultingly he laughed,
 "Now, Tusky Roarer, do your worst! My ship's a British craft! "
 What price he asked, what price he got, the bard disdains to tell;
 Enough, the matter ended in a bon fide sell!


 CON. BY OUR BLOATED OLIGARCH.-What German country is most
like the American Republic ?-West Phalia! (Our B. 0. adds, as a
very superfluous foot-note, the word failure.")


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