JANUARY 18, 1862.] VFU N. BATTI BATTI." DEAR FN,--The other day the following advertisement in the Times (January 3rd, 1862) met my eye:- STLEY'S ROYALAMPHITHEATRE.-Mn.W. BAiTT, desirous of producing a first-rate Hippo-Dramatic Spectacle, will be happy to receive MS. from authors of repute. Well, sir, fired (if I may be allowed the term as a process connected with horses)-fired, I say, with an idea, I immediately sat down, and after taking a couple of glasses (without which I never begin any literary work), I composed a pair of equestrian spectacles, one of which, as less adapted to the public cirque than to private circulation, I dedicated to MR. HoIsMAN, M.P., while the other I forwarded to the Manager of Astley's. This latter gentleman (who, in the matter of hippodramas, seems to be hippo-critical) positively refused to give me my terms (which I stated at a figure agreeable to an equestrian, i.e., a couple of ponies), and, saying that "he would not be saddled with such a production" (I should like to pommel him!), returned my piece as "unsuited" to his establishment, and injurious to his managerial bays. Bays! did he allude to his green curtain or his horses? Unsuited! ha! ha! Let the public be the judge, and make an equi-table decision between us; for now do I place it before the world; and an enlightened posterity shall rear (if I may again use a "horsey" term) equestrian statues in my honour, when the hippo- chondriacal lessee (at present only fitted, in my opinion, for 1Horse- monger Gaol) shall have returned to his native sawdust. I enclose the play, and am yours, in an unbridled rage, MARTIN GALE CRUPPER. I needn't trouble you with the dramatic personal; the title is- DESPARDO THE DESPERATE; OR, THE MAGIC MAMMOTH OF THE MOLEHILL! ACT I. Scene 1.-Hippo, in Africa. Sleeping horses and chariots, resting under axle-trees. Distant view of the Molehill, up which camels are crawling feebly. Music (inaudible)-" The camels are coming." Enter chorus of millkwomen, playing on cocoa-nuts, and riding gra- ciously on armadilloes. Chorus.-Gaily we sing, Happy we air, Everything Lightens our care. Repeat the air, and deposit the burden at the door of the Hippo- dromedairy. Ballet, in which armadilloes join. Exeunt all except the last, who goes out, R.I.. Hurried Music-Drum. Enter ZERSOIOS as if pursued. [N.B.-I am not quite certain whether this should be a mnan or a woman: the manager may decide, and adapt the dialogue accordingly. Zer. Again once more I stand upon-Ha! in vain he (or she) comes to seize me! The man who would seek to counsel me otherwise is not more to be feared than-Ha! Quick! The Talisman! llusic.-The Magic Mammoth descends. Chorus (looking in and retiring). Bo-o-o-oh! Magic Mammoth. Thy doom is sealed. Music. Enter DESPARDO THE DESPURATE on twenty wild bare-backed steeds. Desp. Not so. I am DESPARDO THE DESPERATE. Tchk, hoop la! Struggle.-MaaXMOr faints.' Wild horses gallop in--ju mp wildly into Sthe orchestra-Zebras appear in the private boxes-thousands are unable to gain admittance, and DESPARDo is borne aloft by accident as half-price begins. ACT II. Scene: Ryde. The contending factions are still raging; at intervals are heard the reports of infernal machines, weighing machines, and bathing machines. All the resources of the establishment rush on to the stage. A siege is raised several feet above the level of the boards. Alarums and eight-day clocks-excursions to Brighton and back for half-a-crown, etc. Music: the overtures to Semiramide, Tancredi, and Figaro, played simultaneously. Enter PONEYATOWSKI on his horse de combat. Poneyat. Revenge is sweet! (Repeats it till he's hoarse.) Music. Enter DESPARDO THE DESPURATE, doii g the Shakespearian act on a highly-trained horse-chestnut. Dcsp. Not so. I am DESPARDO TIE DESPURATE! La, hoop, tchk! Changes his dress six times, finally appearing in the character of the Indian Robber as the MAGIC MAMMImOTnrH ridc: in. Magic Ma3,mmoth (aside). He is mine! (aloud) Ha! (aside) Oh! [Jumps on to the spell-ibound, horse and dashes its brains out. Spell-bound Horse. Neigh ! Chorus. Iappy aro wo. What, do we see ? PONEYATOWSKI rIusihes at cohorts, Ilrho) r'lpl him. I)S.SPritni l11o 7ha discovered the conspiracy, Vmounts, as the MAMMOTIH swells to three times his size, and ascends. ACT III. Scene: Horsleydown. Enter Ialel on Shetland ponies. .flir wchih, enter, on a donkey, MUIiEY ASSAN. (N.B.--A capital poart for the low comedian of the theatre.) Muley Assan. My grandmother once toll me (the n corth, suddnci ly opens and swallows h im up)-HIi! hi! hi! (descends.) Music. The Groom of the Stole steals on, britlini lih ,Hit.?, which, after some situation, he places in his buttwl-hole. 'ntL'' c i siddi rs, dancing as if at a bridal party. The house is surrotided by foiecl-horses, ponies, c,'al c, kiii,'i/s (fir aI change), zebras, and any animals the manager likes, 'with lli'ss on. All roaring g, kickin,pl iuniyi). Peppered Ihy P'eppereld liy (N.B.-This situation is not unlike one oewhich, I lately saw oi c t1i Lyceum Thcatri ; but I need -not make a remark as to ite ioriyitlityi nf my conception.) Ssic.--Enter CATSPUI: Ahe dtri/Ons a stirrup cup, anld in)in( s ,, s.adi,1c , of button,. Cats. There is yet time to save her. Firei.o ithe usei! (ic .fi, ii, liurst forth from, tlle hofusc and run into tlti ir lor(t t,' iciri oa.* I) Mino! Milne ior evr (a/ice eX lodes. 1it, f/ cc cf.ciicc. 1i/ r DESPARDO TIHE i ESPiIuATE ridliag oi A Ni. BLTvrry's back.-)icticr,.) Despardo.Notso. alnt DESPARDO TillHE; ,]IsPriATEi. a, Ithk, lihop (Comes dowic, to the front.) And if our friiendl in f'riont will hutl, Ni. that they are pleased, then there will not sit down a happ]iir couple to-night than DESPARDO TlHE DESPERATE and tho MAuIc, MAM\MOTHl or TIHE MO oLEII1LL. Chorus of llorsetrian SoldicI's Lchering). Hip Hip! Hip-odromi o! And this, sir, is the play refused by Me. BATrr. ITo does not deny its originality. But in these days had I boned it from tliI l,'ro(cl, the Astleyan Proprietor might have deemed it fit for ossyfication.--Yours, M. G. C.