JANUARY 11, 1862.]


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 Cabby:-" THERE, PEG.! You AN' I CAN'T BOTH EXPECT A
 SUPPER OUT 0' THAT."



 HUMANITY TO ANIMALS.
 THERE is somewhere an asylum for destitute dogs. Prowling, suf-
fering, starving humanity, being all rested, soothed, fed, and clothed;
there being now no records of individual or family misery and priva-
tion-benevolence having no fellow-creature to befriend, with over-
flowing heart, throws its purse into the kennel, folded in a mantle of
tripe. Charity buries itself in tallow graves. In this institution all
decayed puppies are received on application ; and distinction is drawn
between the delicate and dainty palate and habits of the worn-out
drawing-room Blenheim, or King Charles's lap pet, and the rough and
ready bull-dog or mongrel. It is said that the success of this home
for dogs has induced another, for a much smaller class of domestic
acquaintance,-some humane folks have projected a School for Indus-
trious Fleas.

 VERY DEBASING.
 HONNERRED SUR,-Wenn i see you throther nite at HEVINSES i WOs
unaybill too sho you a riddidil which wos roat done four me bi mi
bigg bruthther i inkclothes hit.-Yers trooley,
 A NED WAYTUR.
 This is hit:-
 What musical instrument does a bottle of pale ale resemble ?-A
Bass-viol.

 'WHY NOT?-An old beggar near a French church asks alms under
colour of a board inscribed-" Blind, with the permission of Monsieur
the Cure." Why should not the French editors (when an occasion
comes that demands a freedom of speech not allowed them) insert
in their columns-"Dumb, with the permission of Monsieur the
Censor?"
 AN ACCOUNT CURREtNT.-It appears from the statement of the
 Federal financiers that the "standing" army "runs away" with an
 immense sum of money. We could hardly credit the amount were it
 not that we know from Bull's Run what capabilities for running that
 army possesses.


 ALMANACK AND DIARY.
 METEORILLOGICAL AND ASTREUOILOGItCAL.
NOTICE.-In order to rise the wind, the cradle of thi winds will h '
 sold cheap. Draughts and current coin thlanliully received.
 During this month several stars will be invested with the order
 of the garter.
We are sorry to announce that the first lash off this year's lightning,
 having been tripped up on a peal of thunder, will not be able to
 appear until June.
The clerk of the weather publishes the following letter received from
 a dense fog:--"Esteamed Sir,-I am unable to leave earth at
 present, owing to my asthmaa" (M3i-snma ?)
Between this present and our next report, very filn, dry, pleasant
 weather may be expected.
 JANUARY.

 5 [ At St. Cold Without. Morning: LectllVres iI ViC:ar-
 work, by an 'Osier. Evening : The Theory of A poleo ,
 by One of Themselves.
 6 M Cricket on the Hearth, by Mlatchmaking Mothers.
 7 Tu Fly-catchers' Anniversary. Wino drunk out, of lUlum
 Bottles.
 8 W FUN sold, taken in and laughed at by everybody.
 9 Ti Essays and Reviews at l[ounslow.
 10 F Whole Holiday-for any one who likes it.
 11 S Deputation to the Loin) MAYor, without any particular
 object.

 GARDENING FOR Isl2.
 Flover Garden.-Tulips, highercinths, and lowercinths should all
have been planted at least a year ago. If you have neglected to Id
this, your gardening for this year will be useless, unless you aro allo
to profit by your neighbour's carefulness, in which caso make your
selection from his choice beds when he's not looking. If you are a
literary man, strew waste paper over your roots.
 Now is the time for training young moss roses to leap over sticks,
beg for biscuits, and jump through hoops. You inust begin early
with them, and it is needless to say the process of instruction qreiiir S
great patience. They are, however, easily broken. AIIunRMAN li(s.:
(it is supposed) owed his rise entirely to this accomplishment.
 Window Gardeninig.-Great panes should be taken with this depuli-
mont. Festoon the frame with bright sashes, commence digging aln
hoeing the glass, and next week we shall find an opening for further
particulars.
 Kuitcheni Garden.-Early peas should be called at six in .. i....i ;. *,
or they'll never got up. If they won't rise, kick up a row.
 This is the month for wild cabbages; they hide during the dnlyl ime,
but at night gambol all over the garden. They inny be ensiiiarii
thus:-Procure a trap (four wheels), with bait (from th llivery
stable); lie in wait; your vegetable will soon yield to your blanililh-
ments. Once washed and dressed in a civilized manner, they will be
found the best-hearted creatures possible, and a proper course of edu-
cation (not over-strained) will soon change their normal greenness.

 ANSWERS TO OUR GARDENING CORRESPONDENTS.
 ARTY. CIIOKE.-Tho labels you require aro not spelt '"spinnidgo,"
 "lettus," "cabbige," "asparagraphs," or umniuns." Wo will tiun'
 the matter over in our mind.
 TWO MARTYRS.-A historian mnifgli appeal to Gallican antiquity as
 French beens; entirely a matter of taste.
 AN ANXIous INQUIRER, CONSTANT HtlEADER, AND SUl:iiBsRIIERI.-YCH,
 decidedly. (We forget your question.)


 THE DEEPEST DEGRADATION.-The O'DONOGlUE l:has been deprived
 of his commission as justice of the peace. Could not a less sHever
 sarcasm have been inflicted on this misguided young Irishman ? What
 a frightful degradation it must be to a man to be told he is not even
 fit to be a county magistrate!
 A PtUitSY ANECDOTE.-A very rich banker, vwho han also tlie qualifi-
 cation of being exceedingly stout, was asked the other day to lead Ia
 general subscription, on the ground that largo figures wero always
 associated with a great measure.
 THE TRUE PEACE PAurTY.-Tailors are always remarkable for ]:ep-
 ing the peace. They may quarrel over their cloth, but give them an
 order for a coat, and they will make it up directly.


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