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 --'-7--- --:- 7.-_7-7--j--

_. [JANu Ty 4, 1862.



 A CuFITSTMAS CAROL.
 "WELL ADAPTED eOR r FA31ILY USE."


 AWFUL CONSEQUENCE OF FORGETFULNESS.

 AnDOLI'nIus SPIrFIN (GOVERNMENT CLERK) IS TAKING HIS AFTER-
 NOON STr.I i,, BLISSFrUL].) UNCONSCIOUS OF THE PRESENCE OF A
 IHORlRID) OFFICE PEN BEHIND) IllS EAR ;-AND, BY JOVEx! HERE COMES
 "riAT DREADFUL QuiZ, SPANKER, AND llS SISTER !



 ALPHABETICAL LIST OF A CHRISTMAS
 f ,J jIJ I .
 .A WAS an Appetite, first and not least,
 .11 was old BRowN, who was giving the feast;
 C was the Cod, that came iup before mutton,
 1) was the Dish that the codilih was put onr;
 E was ltie Euntrdes, of patties and game,
 F was the Fricasce all much tihe same;
 G was tile Gulp as T took down tile wine,
 1I was the Head that it got into,-mine;
 I was tihe Inion, to eat Iwhich is wrong,
 J JOHN tile footman, who smelt of it strong!
 K was the Knife for the fo-,wl, second course,
 L was the Ladle that help'd the bread sauce;
 3[ was the Mixture of malt and Marsala,
 N was the Noyeau we took i the parlour;
 O was tile Oysters (the clock had struck one),
 P was the Pipe when the oysters were done;
 Q the Qleer feeling ... a dizziness,
 ]l thle il im punch which quite settlers the business;
 S was tle song which I sang to no air,
 T was the Tune for which I didn't care;
 U was de. Utter prostration on ground,
 V was the Vehicle not to be found;
 W Wag, who a hell pulled arnd ran,
 X P'licemani X who thought I was the man;
 Y MR. YARDLEY, w; ilo fined nme a crown,
 Z was the Zany who dined with old h:nowN.


 [AIvT.--M3R. BIrr SI-KES, extractor of pocket handkerchiefs, purses.
etc., has honoured MlT lArE R.AC~iEL, the enaniller of faces, with his
custom, with the intention, we believe, of preserving his booty.


 Oni, now's the season we enjoy
 Ourselves, and well our time employ,
 But every pleasure cares alloy,
 As said an ancient party.
 There's ToM for all his clothes too stout,
 His school bills cause you many a doubt,
 On small accounts you are called about,
 Till hand from pocket ne'er is out.
 A Christmas box on some pretext
 You give, and then you have the next,
 And so forth, till you grow quite vext
 With every Christmas party.
 Paying, saying every day,
 That's the last to pay away,
 When others come to your dismay,
 From some forgotten party.
 Early in the day the Waits,"
 Then the Taxes," then the Rates,"
 Then a man unknown, who states
 He's from a legal party.
 Never does that knocking cease,
 E'en for browns the duus increase,
 Applicants from whose release
 The only charm is in Police! "
 People who will persevere,
 In thinking as you still live here,
 You must grow richer every year,
 And be a generous party.
 Staying, praying, won't take nay,
 Shut the door in vain you may,
 Still the knocker thumps away,
 With every clamorous party,
 From symptoms too well understood,
 You find you have eaten more than would
 ..Be for your health considered good
 By any candid party.
 You have recourse to draughts and pills,
 You pay a host of doctor's bills,
 Your letter-box each claimant fills,
 And punctuality instils.
 So you not sorry are to hear,
 That Christmas cones but once a year,
 Tor if weree more it's very clear
 'Twould crush a certain party.
 (Chorus of family men as before.)
 Staying, paying all away,
 More being wanted every day,
 Never was so mu-h to pay,
 You think, to every party.


 THE NOBLE SAVAGE.
 IT seems that a pretty stir has been made by a plucky parson at
Cambridge asking DEERFOOT to dine with him in the hall of Trinity
College. At all events DEERFoor has been better treated than Toms
SAYERS was at the sister university,--and the gallant Tom is worthier
of honour, for there was no mitiake about his claim to pluck and
game. Nevertheless, we are glad to -see that the REV. W. J. BEAU-
aroNT, environed by stiff-starched dons, lad the moral courage to hold
out his hand to a living exponent of those rules which were once
recited to the Corinthians by a better man than most fellows of
colleges, and one who found in a foot-race a figure of better things than
lie could find imaged in a college dinner or a university commemora-
tion.

 A comRESPONDENT, we believe recently escaped from Colney Hatch,
who has devoted much of his time to studying the English language
for the purpose of discovering a rhyme to Timbuctoo, has at length
succeeded, and sends us the following remarkable composition:-
 "If I were a cassawary,
 On thie plains of'Timhuctoo,
 I'd devour tle missionary,
 IIat and boots and hymn-book too."


FU I