JANUARY 4, 1862.] F U- N 153
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 GREECE,-ITS HUMOUROUS HISTORY.
 BY M'ASSA HOYLE.
 Illustrated with Sketches taken on the Spot.
 CHAPTER THE THIRTEENTH.
 PHILIP or MACEDON was appointed generalissimo against the
Persians by the Greeks, to the great disgust of DEMOSTIIENES, who, to
speak colloquially, "was always at him." DEMOSTHENES as an o-rator
was a first rater, and though he had a very fine presence, he had
no natural gifts. He was born in the fourth year of the ninety-ninth
Olympiad, and in consequence of a limp he had in his delivery, he
resorted to the most ingenious methods for obtaining a "perfect
cure." In this he made a STEAD-y advance; he became a pupil
under the lash of I-SEE-US (IssEUs is the correct form, we think), and
got on like winking. The first great difficulty he met with was an
apparent inability to pronounce the letter "r," a peculiarity which
has descended from DEMOSTHENES to LORD DUNDREARY. This at last
he overcame, and finding that he made hideous faces when excited,
he stood opposite a glass, and immediately became a prey to the most
awful reflections. We may here observe, parenthetically, that if
some modern singers would follow the plan of DEMOSTHENES, and take
a sight at their features when struggling over the high notes, we
should be spared some contortions of the "female face divine" which
are never announced in the programmes, but which too frequently
prove to form the most prominently disagreeable features of the
entertainment. DEMOSTHENES placed pebbles in his mouth to


improve his voice-'stone, and frequently ran to the top of steep hills
in order to obtain the power of speaking up." In order lo make
his appearance in public an impossibility, lie turned his key nud
shaved his locks, so that lie cut off all communication and a great
portion of his hair. lie took to a horrid wig, and devoted himself to
era-tory. In order to become easy in addressing swells, lie very often
walked by the sea-shore, and having pitched his voice at C, frequently
produced a general rising by the exciting waves of his hands, by the
manner in which lie pounced on his supposititious prey, and boiled
away at his imaginary foomen. This eloquence may have been of a
frothy nature, but it suited his audience. Unfortunately, 1)DEMOS I' l ENEs
having introduced his principles, didn't carry them out, and at the
battle of Cheronmca he thought,, "Well, myself I must take care on
here, or else CuARON he a-nother passenger may have," and so lie
made a long run for his own piece by a judicious use of the pruning
knife and "cutting away." This, though a wise action on the part of
a dramatic author, is not what one looks for in a D)i:uTosT'iNENs, and
when his countrymen looked for him, expecting to find him in the
midst of the tight, they literally found him out. After i'im.ir's death
he was so hot against ALEXANDER, that lie branded him (according to
LE'MPRtIERE) with the title of boy. Getting into hot water, he soon
after left Athens, but returned when the danger was over, with the
forgiving magnanimity of a true hero. However, finding himself
likely to be sold, and that there was it strong chance of his being
disposed of at a considerable loss, lie "took on and then took oil'
some poison from a quill which lie invariably carried about with hin,
and expired with all the air of a brick and martyr.


 3y M* ARIST//TL F


- 7


ARISTOTLE, FOUNDER OF THE PERIPATETIC SCHOOL (WALKING GENTLEMEN), OPENS THE LYCEUM (ATHENS).


 QUESTION BY OUR TURNDOWN SCHOLAR.-Is a Prince in Hesso a ECCLESIASTICAL PREFERMENT.-A benefico of 800 a year preferred
King in Posse ? to a curacy of 60 per annum.
 WHEN is an awkward horseman like gas ?-When he's turned off WHY is a pretty girl like a first-rate mirror ?--leca:sll she's a
at the mane. good looking lass.
 WHY are dentists like cricketers ?-Because they draw the stumps. NEW BOOK BY EARL RUSSELL.--On the Advantages of I'Eary liing.
 THE GREAT TRIBULATION.-Cumnmving On the Earth! IN what tone should a ghost speak ?-A tombstone.


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