DECEMBER 28, 1861.]




 /II! "


F, N.


 A PLEA FOR THE LEGITIMATE DRAMA.

 "TAKE IY ADVICE, YOUNG i AN; NEVER YOU SEE NOTIIIN' BUT SIIAKESP'R.
TlIHEE'S NOTIIIN' LOW ABOUT 'n13., TIIAT'S WOT I LIKES. IT's ALL IoiRAL
HEIWATIOX."


THE WAITS.


lt \tii. Itl'SSiAi. Was 1'iii asle'ep,
 In his Clihamiber cos- a;nl still ;
WhVil- nnder his winiiow I here canlte a noise -
 A terrible iioiise' andl shrill!
Then tihe little sat;i'snimt bolted upright,
 In his bed so snuig nid warm,
For the voices cried, 1" We're hlie Waits, Waits, Waits!
 And we're waiting for Rleform!"


 The ExcnF.qvF.U's CHANCELI.I.OI snored,
 In three several separate notes ;
 When under his window rose a sound
 From a thousand roaring ithroas!
 Then the great financier sat up on end,
 And very funny did feel,
 For the voices cried, "We're the Waits, Waits, Waits!
 And we're waiting a Tax-llpeal!"

 LoiLu I'tP was in slumber sound,
 And utter oblivion of gout,
 When under his window loudly and long
 There rang a horrible shout!
 Tlhen the Proeier, like Cuiiid, flew to the paln,
 'To see who was there lat his gate,
 For the voices cried, We'ro the u, Wai, its, Waits!
 And we're waiting lRtreinchinents great!"
 "The dence yon are!" said I he Noble Lord,
 "Then 1 fancy you'll have to wait!"


 VERY UNJUSTIFIABLE.
 REAlLY the liberties taken by the press with persons
of distilction constitute .a growing evil which nothing
but ia cnsorship COan correctl. If young literary mun
was expelled front the Garrick for taking oil' i popular
author's thface behind his back, what should ihe d ne tio
the ninwlho writes thus about a still greater liuminlry
of the day:"--"The fieco of' tile sun now present a
very interesting appearance. It is diversified by at
least ten spots of all sizes and shlpes." It is no doubtil
the sanmo writer whose bad tnste permitid hli into refer
to the disfiguring eruption under wlichl Vesuvius is
labouring.


 TODDLEKIN ON LOCKS.
 IT appears by the newspapers that there is now being manu-
fiictured, at Wolverhampton, a keyless lock, having upwards of
2 14,000,000 of combinations. The opening of this lock, like the
celebrated cave of the Forty Thieves, depends on the knowledge of a
single word; but it is computed that, without such knowledge, it
would take one hundred and thirty years at ten hours per day to
exhaust all the variations, and thus perform the task. One of these
marvellous pieces of mechanism is to be placed in an iron safe con-
taining 500,-such amount to fall to the lot of any person who may
have the good fortune to discover this modern sesame."
 Young TODDLEKIN, of the Board of Trade, unawed by the scientific
nature of the subject, has been making all manner of vile jokes upon
it; and as we have stood quite enough of his nonsense, we are
determined to slhw him up, a3i a warning to others.
 In the first place, he says he is in a state of profound ignorance as to
what a keyless lock is, unless it be one of the Scotch locals, which
it may be reasonably inferred are, as a rule, devoid of quays! On
being remonstrated with, and reminded that the lochs and quays of
Scotland could not possibly have anything to do with the subject, he
remarked (without the slightest remorse) that though his ignorance
might, at present, be great, it would not long be so, as he was
reading up LOCKE on the Understanding," in order to get a better
understanding of the nature of locks; feeling, as lie did, lintt it was
his duty to put himself on the qui vive. (This was said with a
diabolical chuckle, and without the slightest respect for French
pronunciation.)
 Utterly disgusted, we avoided ToDDeLEni for two days, but
unfortunately met him accidentally, when Ihe renewed the subject,
apparently with a malicious enjoyment. He suggested that, taking


into consideration those enormous timo required to open this lock by
ordinary means, somo inducemenet should Ie he1ld out by scientific
societies for persons to make the effort, and le proposed that, a title
of distinction should be conferred on those who persevered for a
given time, say forty years; and as F.S.A., l'F..S., A.S.S., etc. ole.,
were grown quite common, he thought the tille of "Don Kex," w.uld
be both novel and appropriate. *
 When restored to consciousness, after some hours' insensibility, we
reached Fleet-street in a debilitated condition, anid havo sinco
stationed our head P.D. at the office door with special instructions
and-a horsewhip.

 COME ASTRAY.
 TinE following letter was evidently intended fin Nics naild QuriCis.
We print it to prevent delay, as no doubt loIoxll.\Mis is anxious to
have his question answered
 D xlit SIR,-Your correspondent, lNxonIAMUlS, says he will ferl
obliged to any one who can tell him the derivation of the word
Federal, adopted by the Northern States of America. My own
theory on the subject is, that the adjective is derived from thle ,ati:
adjective foldus, base, unseemly,-ride FAccioiAI.N. Ofihers, however,
attribute its origin to the noun firdiis, a treaty. On tle inrcus a non
lucendo principle, this may be the correct derivation, namely, that
they call themselves the respecters of treaties, because they utterly
disregard international compacts.-Yours, etc.,
 Trin. Coll. Dublin. DICK SIONAItY.


 QUITEF OBVIOUS.-Who is the most regular man in his lihalits ? The --
Scarpenter, because, of all others, he lives most by rule.


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