DECEMBER 21, 1861.]


1F U N_.


 SMITH O'BRiEN'S LAST.
 CoxsnDi.n'.Ini.E sensation ias been evei:tled in Iwlitl :l circles b'.y Ithe
a onncenlienit, of the thcel tlli;i, Ilhe nl'triinl.: 11 FMi ri' (III 'lim N lia.s
been alit it again. Not oll ,,i w\ihl inllicting a olUnc11111i : : n ld ::lf
upon MiR:. S ,I:uAl), this pl v 1 '1l I' (for \ lho.,e )in ullat al hervat:lls
we feel tih deepest, pit ; but why doe i-'t lie lm e his lihad sallcd
like a man.) has addressed thle following f rt is. i i ,ui d i-st",:
to 3I1s. MllDoinzll'K. Thlo lady in iqui-tion \\ill bo remenilecred ,\
our readers as tlhe opirit.ed proprii lor oi' thle eabl)ba:e-g;.:rden in wlhicih
poor SMITm once cropped a wreath of imTe'ri .]ble 'grel'n;: *


 THE THAMES ABOVE-BRIDGE STEAM NAVY.
 N the 10t1
 / inst. a meet-
 ing of gentle-
 men holding
 -- captains'com-
 S ill- missions in
 Sthe Above -
 BBridge Steam
 N- nv ashoeld
 at tihe "Sunk-
 '.. en Barge,"

 St' take into con-
 of- te. eeg d d .t sideration the
 -_. present conl-
 Sdition and
 Ste prospects of
 the navy of
 America, and
at the same time to take measures to assure the British Government
of the energy and devoted loyalty of the officers and men of the
penny and twopenny river steamboats.
 CAPTAIN BACKERSTOPPER (of H.M.S. Citizes 12) having been sum-
moned to the chair, proceeded to call upon various gentlemen present
for a song, a toast, or a sentiment. On being reminded that the
object of the meeting was of a patriotic rather than a convivial
nature, he apologized, and promised to behave accordingly.
 CAPTAIN THOMAs BOWLINE (of IH.M.S. Brideg'rooim) commenced by
stating his conviction that Britons never would be slaves. Ho was
but a humble member of the Thames Navy, but he thought that on a
point of this here importance, everybody's opinion was worth having.
(Hear, hear.) Folks as ought to know had told him that Yankee
sailors were a set of skulking lubbers, as didn't know a Diamond
packet from a floating dummy. (Cheers.) Why, bless his dear eyes!-
(Cries of "Chair!")
 The CIIIATulLN reminded the gallant captain that that was not a
parliamentary expression.
 CAPTAIN BOeWLINE: No, but it was a naval one. He (CAPTAIN
BOWLINE) had often heard it. HI (CAPTAIN BOWLINE) hadn't ploughed
the silver Thames for five-and-twenty years without picking up a fewv
nautical expressions. lie was about to observe, when interrupted,
that nothing like discipline was known on board a Yankee man-of-
war. He had even heard that people were permitted to speak to the
man at the wheel. (" Oh! ol!" and Shame!") Ho concluded by
moving the following resolution: "That this meeting views with
pride and pleasure the condition of the Thames Abovo-Bridge Steam
Navy, and regards the rotten tubs and floating dummies of tihe
American navy with the contempt they deserve."
 CAPTAIN HITCHEMIIP (of H.M.S. Mattrimosny),in seconding the reso-
lution, begged to observe that he had heard from them as ought to
know, that the careless and nurivermanlike manner in which Yankee
craft was handled was hawful-he might almost say dreadful. They
steered right and left-he meant starboard and'port-without ever
looking out a head where they was a going to. In short, they was a
go-on-ahead nation. He had understood that Yankee men-of-war
steamed up alongside dummies without using so much as a fender to
break the shock. Now he (CAPTAIN IITCHEc3UP) only knew this, that
if he didn't use a fender he should soon be stove in. (" Oh, oh!") IHe
didn' t want to offend a-(Cries of Enough!" Shut off your steam!")
He had heard that Yankee men-of-war couldn't lower-that is, strike
their funnels when going under a bridge at high water. (Derisive
cheers.) Was that a navy to be feared ? (" No! no !") He Iad much
pleasure in seconding the resolution. (Cheers.)
 The resolution, having been put to the meeting, was carried unani-
 mously. The members of the T.A.B.S.N. having refreshed themselves
 with pipes and whisky, turned out, and subsequently turned in.


 TIm CABINET COUNCIL.-When the Cabinet met to discuss the
 insult offered to the English flag by tile American WIKs, LORD
 PALMERSTON observed, that it was a pity DISIa:It. could not assist,
 for since lie had taken up church matters so earnestly, he might have
 liked to form one of the Council of Trent.
 CLASSICAL FAREWELL TO I STICE HtILL 11Y Iins VALEtT, ON tIIS
 RETIREMENT.-" 0 puer HIyllo, vale!" (Ori'.; I, liaaiirt'd Lerc!li.)
 Free translation: Well, 111t 1., old boy, good-bye "
 RIDDLE DY a1iss AE'.-\T.,EI. Why is a wido r il a ,ido- ile a potato-plaI
 --Because his better half's undergroiiund.


I i 1


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 l'il.i-ader, 1I c inlher 2, 1tl.
 My DEAc miS. iM'Coi:sill ,-Tlhiii;h I kinow that lN- :lili'e-s'it i
to you this letter I shall expose myself i, the aniiiu:ive.'-rioins l' i ur
common enemies, I do not apprehend th1ii, iby yVou il will 1ib,' clsidet l
intrusive. Indeed, you never considered mi itlruiive butl ti ; i:[ n!
you will doubtless remember my explaining ti yIm that. myi ilnt it'1
was not to purloin your vegetables. but to liberate my native lahi].
From the opportunities of personal intercoilrsol with you, which wrt
afforded by your kind hospitality, I have fired too hii'h tn opinion ,
the magnanimity of your character and the exce.lleoln ol'f i.,I
cabbages, to believe that you would refuse to eonsid'r with resp. l
suggestions oflifred in a friendly spirit, from whatever iu:'lrtcr thL,
might proceed--oven from your back garden.
 By the recent seizure of the Confederate (Coiill;::lsloners on l I';i' I
of a British niail-steamer, the government ci MIl. IlN I.N i,. h
incurred a heavy responsibility. I tako it for granitd that thi i't
was a purposed and a deliberato aftront to the English InIlioll. I 11111
very glad of it. My sull'eriigs froi' that ntlion and its brutal rulers.
are matter of history. F'r refusing to sit upon tleir Sa.on com-
mittees, they locked me up in a coal-cellar under the lIloius ol1
Commons. Whatl I thero endured no tongluo can tell. I hlave nlvi'r
used coal since; only employing Irish lpet. Again, when I rli: 1d 1I1 I
standard of freedom on tieo groen hills of Old Erin, 111 when certain
of my associates-perhaps misled by a gonertoll enllusiasin-n llg-
gosted that vitriol should be thrown in tilo eCy's o- thie British sohliery,.
when tho agitation I had fostered and led broke out into what a
venal press called "open rebellion," I was inltnlmsily collidell ned 1i'
death. But, it may be unnecessary to remind you, I was nlot executel'd.
I prepared to lmeet iny doiom. I hoped, i wished, I yearned fir lth
glory of martydoi. Tho blood of the O'B 0,1 Ns would lIIv li ii
the seed of a national DONtNYBnOOKi. What, lhwever, was (tiI d::;'-
tardly course pursued by tio B'ritish Goverinentl? Whly, ina'aii,
with a studied m:alignity they spared my lifet. Think of that, lmn\.
Tiho ineau-spirited iumbni s and oppressorsr \Well Iliey knew lh:!,
to avongo tho patriot's death, thei O'lBhllis /' JlTreld w'oulil hat\e
beern joined by the S.ilrMIIS of London, Ywho are so InnIiI(rou'i as i l
their awakened wrati, to liakeo VI'lITORIA tremble on ler 11liI'e.
 As years rolled on, fresh ilsuilti wero hcapiled Iupon nty lien. Ti
people, however, grow impatient att; my long exile. Cl rr i I:v tih
generous though plebeian CUrI'IIY ; tN lEClllI.,I, whoso ardellt illnigilla-
tion severed tile fetters of his parole ; M1i. A(ti l--theo young nnd fiery,
although ridiculous, MEAGHIIn ;--tleso heroes langulilied wIill m1 on
a foreign shore. The great voice of a Imighty nation was lieard.
From tho Gliants' Causoway to the Covo of Cork arn ardent, people
shouted "Restore us our O'BRIEN! We delland our Siriil !"
Making avirtno of necessity, the lBritish Government (how I loathel tie
term!) exclaimed, c"Very well, then; you shall lavo him." They
succumbed to Erin's cry ; and hero 1 am.
 I repeat-hero I am; and, on the whole, I ibink I should ratIher
prefer to stop here. Tyrannical as is thie British rule, I am still in
possession of a decent property, which no one dreams of taking awny
from me. My life, I believe, is tolcrably safe. No one laplparCetly
interferes with my pursuits. I write a good many letters, generally
of a disloyal character; I post them, and in duo courseO they ar
delivered. The legal myrmlidons of Saxon despotism never inko ti fi
slightest notice of me; and the whisky of the neighbourhood is
exceedingly good.
 Nevertheless, I am quite ready-should the human race demand
 such a step--I am ready to go to America. My object would l
 simple. I should endeavour to make all thol rish soldiersdin bolt
 armies desert; and then contrive them into one bravo phialanx lor
 the delivery of our native land -yours, my dear ma'am, and iminle. I
 would pay all my personal expenses. My outfit would be a very
 simple one. I should require a greoon flannel shirt, embroidered with
 the harp of our verdant isle, a tooth-brush, andl a shillelagh. T i
 shirt is now being hemmed for me by a dark-cyed malidon of dear oll
 Ireland; the tooth-.lbrush I already possess ; and I will now igo andl
 cut my stick.-Ever yours, dear Mits. M'Coti'li It,
 PSMIvI II ()O'lltlt;N.


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