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ToMi (such a disagreeable boy) :-" LOOK HERE, GRANDMAMMA; IT SAYS THIS PIG WAS FED ON
 OIL-CAKE. DID YOU EVER EAT ANY OF THAT STUFF ?


 [DECEMBER 21, 1861.



 THE CLERK OF THE
 WEATHER.
 ON the 6th instant, in the case
 of BRUCKNER v. GREENE, tried be.
 fore JUSTICE BLACKBURN at West-
 minster, it is reported that one of
 the witnesses called was the clerk
 who attended to the weather at
 LLOYD'S." This gentleman was
 called on to state whether (the
 printer will have the goodness not to
 spell this weather)" the wind was
 very high on the 23rd of September
 last. He answered-"on oath, re-
 member, as a counsel always re-
 minds the witnesses on the other
 side-that the wind was "blowing
 hard that day, but only half as
 hard as it could." Marry, here is
 a man, who undertakes to tell you
 exactly how strong the wind can
 be! Well, we are simply "blowed."

 EXPERT CREDE.-- R. S.ITHr
O'BRIEN, in his letter to MeI.
SEWARD, tells him that the English
will find the Federal Army has got
"the experience of one campaign
at least." Yes, but the result of
their experience from Bull's Run
to the present time is only a con-
tinuation of the experience he
gained himself in his Campaign
among the Cabbages."
 DUBLIN TENDRE.-Why is a Dub-
lin car-driver singing a song like
one of RAPHAEL'S large pictures ?
-Because it is a car-toon (tune)


 ALMANACK AND DIARY.
 METEORONICAL AND ASTREORILLOGICAL NOTICES.
Tli weather will be kept very close for the next few days : no admittance
 except on business. Ring the airier bell.

 DECEMBER.

 S 5 ...*.. c .... h .... .1 poper-nder it the
 S ...... andi (ridlirou." :- ..r reivedl by Gosling
 ,ind Co.
 Ii ; liel rtlakers' festival, and dance of Archimandrites in
 7 'iceadilly.
 17 Tl' Trampling on the English flags in Regent-strcct by pedes-
 trians of all nations.
 1S W FrN--Editor's first birthday Double-barrelled oysterslet oi'
 in the office.
 19 'Til The police have strict orders to take up some of the London
 sl reots for repairing to ( reeini iCh Parlk.
 20 F Political dinner to RT. Hox. Ml. GL.I)STroNE, by himself.
 21 8 Exeter Hall, Grand Concert, patronized by the PRINCE CON-
 soTr. The programme will be in two parts, one of
 which will lie alone performed. It will consist of
 the first five bars of a gate: the celebrated doorkeeper's
 song, entitled Dying by Hinges." An interval of two'
 hours between the verses. After which will be given,
 songs without words or music, by the Amateur Lunatics
 from the Scilly Isles.
 OUT-OF-DooR A 3USEMENcTS.-flat in neiflghbour out of doors.-A
good stick is all that is wanted. Its rules are very simple: If your
uric-lhhniI, beats you, then you are beaten, and rice ir si.
 .... nii Lemon s.-Place a bit of orange-peel on the pavement,
press (not heavily) with the foot, so that it slightly adheres to the
slone. The game is suitable to one little boy (who places the orange peel)
and several elderly gentlemen, walking in a hurry (:s if) to the Bank on
business of importance. The elderly gentlemen will, in turn, step on the
orange peel, slide, recover themselves by due attention to the preservation
of the centre of .', 1 (which is lost lv little boy, who is to laugh im-
moderately), or' I. I .i heavily. One fall puts the player out excessively.
Little boy is to run away as fast as possible; if caught, he will then be in
for it.


 The Cabman's Puzle.-Stop a cab, jump in, and tell the cabman to
drive "Home." He will bepuzzled.
 ingeri Blue.--Tqkce a piece of ginger and paint it blue; then scream
loudly for five minutes, and go to bed: a capital game for old ladies and
bloated aristocrats.


 THE TIIEE ELECTIONS.
 Wanted-Three members! Six apply : yet they can't
 Find out the right man for the seats still vacant.
 First, Nottingham must choose from two: well, let her;
 CLIFTON is good: LORD LINCOLN is a bettor.
 At Finsbury each free elector votes,
 Cox is Cos sure, if MILLS had not bank notes
 And gold enough to fill a hundred tills,
 Can Cox, Quixotic, fight againstt paper MILLs ?
 In Birkenhead each one of the democracy,
 Plumps for the plebs., or for the aristocracy;
 Toadies won't vote for BRASSEY, they've declared,
 Because (as Scots might say) he's not a LAIRD."
 May each be like (when they have played their game)
 A shrimp-with M.P. finishing his name i


 BILLY, DON'T.
 DEAR FuN,-You asked me lately (and offered a sovereign for
the answer), what's the difference between a finger-glass and a
glass by which we tell the time? I reply, that one is ewer glass
and the other is 'our glass.-Yours truly,
 UNPAID BILL.
 *,* Our correspondent is quite right, but cannot receive the
sovereign, as the riddle had been already correctly answered by the
gentleman who originated it.-ED.


 CaINOLINES, owing to the lamentable accidents which have attended
their use, are now scientifically styled fire balloons.


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