DECEMBER 14, 18G1.] ] ]J


 Or to BELLrM.)Y' rush withi indelalilte hi lsto,
 C When of my elocution I give them a taste.
 oi t t bu i't' U t aOh, dearl, attack it as slow,
 SU ,'.. L' M I Do tlhe press, but it doesn't nacl t L.,oiulin \lltI.o,.


 LE N

~~ i I;


 SCHOLASTIC.
 Mild Teacher :-" You WERE NOT AT SCHOOL LAST SUNDAY,
TOMMY."
 Promising Pupil:-" BUT I woS THOUGH."
 M'. T.-" NOW, TOMl Y A, I AMl AFRAID THAT IS AN UNTRUTII."
 P. P.-" I'LL LAY YOU A Pint oN IT. COME, NOW! "


 PLEBEIAN BALLADS,
 Adapted (for the first time) to Aristocratic Circles.
 No. 12.-THE BALLAD OF LORD WILLIAM BARLOW.
 DEAR ladies and gentlemen, how do you do ?
 I'm Loan WILLIAM BARLOw, and just twenty-two,
 I have chambers in town, and a box in the north,
 But I'm no eldest son, I am merely the fourth.
 Oh, dear, racketty oh,
 Has been the existence of young LoaR BARLow.
 I've a very great lisp, and an elegant drawl,
 And an eyeglass through which I see nothing at all;
 Down the middle I part my fair hair like a girl,
 But do what I will, I can't get it to curl.
 Oh, dear, black it or no,
 Of carrots a case is the hair of BARLOW.
 My tailor is much more expensive, I hear,
 Than most,-I employ him because he's so dear;
 I draw in my waist, and I puff out my chest,
 And padding and Providence do all the rest.
 Oh, dear, HACKETT I owe
 Such a sum! but he knows I'm LORD WILLIAM BARLOW.
 I'm a member of BROOKS's-you know that's a club;
 Though I really must say there I oft get a snub;
 The elderly swells all declare me an ass,
 And when I approach move away from the glass.
 Oh, dear, crack it I know,
 Would some if they looked there as oft as BARLOW.
 I've a scat for Soft Sawdershire, down in the west,
 But whenever I rise, all the house sinks to rest;


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129


 I've a, bay mare at MAsoN'S, and daily I go,
 And display its line paces in gay rlotton-row;
 It paws at th turf, and its cat is so sleek,
 And it's wonderful action for two pounds a week.
 Oh, dear, to back it 've no
 Objection against any other for show.
 Though dancing is not very much in my way,
 I far frLom object to a bal dli ballet,
 At a masquerade ball, though the "make up is dear,
 I am rather the thing a a gay cavalier.
 Though dear, whack it, thero's no
 Costumier can--not SIMMONS or NATHAN and Co.
 Going peacefully hoine is an action I rsorn,
 So I mostly get into a row ero the mnirn,
 If any obtrusive policeman hiMts "bad,"
 I square and then "let out my loft" at his lead.
 Oh, dear, crack it, I go
 To the station attached to the street termbd Bow.
 In charity p'raps I'd give something away,
 But then I've so many dear tradesmnen to pay,
 And Ive mortgaged, post obited, borrowed, ind iHo,l,
 Till my discounting friends won't be further cajoled.
 Oh, dear, jacket, heigho,
 Would the guv'nor this child if lie only did know.
 Now I fear on the wholo that I cannot lay claim
 To a very clear right to sustain a greatly name,
 Though noble blood does in my veins freely flow,
 I'm afraid nothing elso doth nobility show.
 Oh, dear, lack it I know,
 Doth this swell of the period-Bi.r. BARLow.



 "WORK! WORK! WORK!"
 WE print in large type tho namo of Mas. BRIDENBOURG, who
 was'brought up at the Sheriffs' Uonut on the 30tlh ultimio for not
 paying a poor workwoman 12s. 9d. for making twenty-thrce
 GARIBALDI shirts. These shirts were to be made at 8id. each, and
 took five hours a piece in making. Although they wore well made
 and properly finished, Mns. BIalENBouRnt attempted to beat the
 needle-woman down to fourpenco a shirt, on the Iplea that they were
 inferior in workmanship. Five hours' work for fonrpeno !--and in
 the name of GARIBALDI! We hopo the name of the champion of
 freedom will never again be applied to these articles. Let tenm li
 called BRIDENBnoRG shirts, a title wlich we hope will confer on the
 harsh task-mistress a notoriety that is not fame.


 THE SINFULNESS OF EXCURSION TRAINS.
 WE have often wondered what sort of people those could le who
cried out at the wickedness of a poor working man's getting a mouth-
ful of fresh country air on his only holiday. At the November
sessions ofthe Central Criminal Court our curiosity to sco a por'son of
this class was satisfied. Tho REv. II"NRY IloLLowAY, who was
sentenced to eighteen months' hard labour for one outo of a series of
systematic robberies at railway stations, said in his dihoince that
"railway directors were guilty of desecration of the Salbatilh by
running their trains on that day, and that they, and every one ('so
who received a dividend from such a source, were guilty ofa great
crime."

 Tir PArp i Durry.-It is very likely that in the year ]9f2, some
curious correspondent of Notes airl (C.c ic~ nmay be ignorant ofthio
origin of the term "not worth a Ip." TIh phrase nrost in the days
when small quantities of cheap articles were not,, wlihn Hold, worth
a wrap." That is to say, the profit was so small on the article if self,
that the shopkeeper could not afford to envelop i it, in isuch il expen-
sivo cover as paper. Bly recording this in he tpahn gs ol' FUN, we cllsiire
immortality to tlhe t'rue derivation of whIat would otherwise some
centuries hence become an obscure ftigum' of speech. But now, when
LoRD MACAUiLAYI's New ZO--- No! e won't! wlthlink we have ret
with this reference before.