DECEMBEE 7, 1861.]


FU TNI-.


 POSTE RESTANTE.
 i '' ARDON me, amiable and
 Si i : i' benevolent FUN, but a short,
 S" i i I time ago you were pleased
 to allow my appeal on be-
 half of the lamplighter to
 appear in your columns. I
 i | tI cannot say that the generous
 i '' and high-minded public of
 I England responded to the
 Scall. Well, I dare say it's
 Small right and business-like:

 I | the world's work, and hates
 '' a call being made upon it.
 l Expectingnothing,andbeing
 Blessed in that expectation,
 jI iI come before you again:
 I and as I have (according to
 I my light) made sonie reflec-
 I i" i tions upon the lamplighter,
 i -let ino now briefly, kindly,
 < 'and humanely consider the
 S-- postman. He is a necessity
 ------ -- --' of civilization, a man of
 letters. He is punctuality itself, and although his arrival is at post
 time, yet he is never behind time. Courteously attentive to the
 females, he in no way neglects the mails. He often takes rank as a
 general, and in most cases has the charge of a division. In a
 charitable point of view, he is the true district visitor, and as to the
 means at his command, none can accuse him of not being worth
 a rap. Though not equal to MR. GLADSTONE or LORD DERBY as an
 orator, yet in his delivery, quick, regular, and with a due attention to
 stops. He is busied all day in running from pillar to post, and in
 cold weather stamps his feet for warmth, gratis. He is the real
 "thirsty soul," ever going to tap. In the metropolis his idea of the
 world is "London and twelve miles round," albeit ho is a man of
 much intelligence and varied information. In religion he slightly
 inclines to the opinions of KNox; and as to morality, considering how
 many carry the bag, the appearance of a JUDAs among them is a rare
 occurrence. He goes to church on Sunday, and listens with pleasure
 to the epistles, which, true to his profession, he carries away with
 iim. In December he will expect his regular Christmas letter-box:
 give it him as a support for his old age, and when he dies let us sub-
 scribe to place over his grave the affecting epitaph, "Post obit."
 Yours over, JAMES BAGGES.
 Queen's Head Hotel.


 ONLY SKIX DEEP.-MR. SPURGEON, with his usual taste, at his last
 lecture pointed out two respectable reporters as jackals who lived on
 the scraps left by the lion-himself. We are aware that some igno-
 rant people have made alion of him-and a very mangy brute too. But,
 once invested with the skin, lie ought never to have opened his
 mouth on the subject of his pretensions to the leonine title. He
 should have remembered that it was when his prototype in the old
 fable tried to roar that everybody discovered he was only an ass.
 AN OLD SAW AND A MODERN INSTANCE.-" When the devil was ill-
 the devil a monk would be." We are not informed under what serious
 indisposition the HON. BENJAMIN DISRAELI was labouring on Thursday,
 the 14th of November, but ho certainly was delivering his directions
 for the management of the Church of England, em cathedrd, on that
 date at Aylesbury. The noble Caucasian must have been very unwell
 to have put on the bishop.
 SAYINGS AND DOIxNGs.-The Evangelical Alliance lately passed a
resolution on the duty of preserving Christian feeling in the midst
of religious controversy." It is a pity they do not keep their good
"resolutions" instead of merely supplying them as pavement for
a place to which they are very fond of condemning all who may
happen to differ from them.
 NOTICE TO THE PUBLIC.-In consequence of the close of the excur-
sion season and the commencement of frosty weather, the Slaughtering
Department on the various lines will, until further notice, be con-
ducted by means of frangible axles, flawed tires, and imperfect
coupling-irons.
 WrY is a man who goes about with a copy of FUN in his pocket,
like BLONDIN ?-Becaus lie is a F -ambulist.
 THE TRADESMrAN'S PACE.--Tho Lcdjer.


 THE DISCHARGED STEWARD.
 SCiNE.--l eixensiive a ii nd slhoiy sllflilshiii t. ]lorki-l about,
 alterii;l, iCn!r' i 't '.
 iEnteir ls. GAin iithi blinl' qf bill,-.
 MIRS. GAU:L.-OlOh, dear Ine! was ever poor womlllnn deceived as I
 have been? I'm ruined ruined! I lhad misgii'vij ,;, but l lt. 'l 'i r,
 my manager, when lie did conimnuinicate anything, said it was all
 right." What slihll 1 do ? I must shut up, and be laughed at. Oh,
 M\i. TACIT! MIR. Louis TAiIT !
 LEiier Louis TwIT, (fc;''ill a).
 TAclT.-There's a noise Well ?
 iRS. GAuL.-No, Ml:. TACIT, it is not well; there shall be a noise.
 TACIr.-It may be so. Yes, tlhro shltll be a ilniise. (lSmill'.)
 MRs. GAUL, you look delight! See, tho weather, ow line! Our
 neighbour, Anglais-his Exhibition-line, large Your s, i t come,
 much grand, iaorceaux. inconceivable! sublinie 1 have plke.
 Mas. GAUL.--No, no! I won't be cajoled. You've ruined ilmy
 establishment. I'm lna d! So your rebuilding, yourim inpruo\vements,
 your splendid ties, our grand :.,. gaes, are all on credit.
 Oh, you sly deceiver! What's io be done ? \WVhat, is to t, done?
 MR. TACIT (smi ling).-'Trul I Silpak. ]. 1 :1 saL I ai respm11 i-
 sibility. It was winter-I, the Man of Ieceimber, cane! .1 sw I
 conquered! Say, have wo not ad sununer-sununr glorious s P? 'Yo
 have me much trust-your heart--your possessiolns-your bahll
 Your lucre filthy! You say "gono it is." We are debt-- tillo. i
 Gloire You have no nmore-I am content-pauvrc-huhmbhle I re-
 signmout-I no longer your purse conumnud-c'est ai, your deil s
 aulons I have spok [ ''it, smiliii.
 Kas. GAUL.-But, here! Mit. TAIrTi! What shall I (doi Tli
 wretch! The cold, calculating, heartless schemlr, I'll disclhairge hiim
 at once. [ Exit.


 WOMAN AND ART.
 BY OUR R.A. (REGULAR AIITIST).
 WoIMAN is the greatest artist in creation. She pencils her (ye-
 brows, and thus does masculine drawing. IIn the flower of' her youth
 she paints rose leaves on her clheks, and whlell the real rose leaves
 still does the samo. With dexterity she applies carmine it her lips,
 at which we gaze with ..- Ii...-- but a calm cyne, but rather with aI
 longing for a smack, which, if w ven on, xrll we niny recivo linaIk
 in return, and thus, perhaps, reverse the natural ort-der o'f iial, afil, iy
 having water floating over instead of under it. She sofli(.s ( ILho hard-
 ness of her skin with violet powder, making it a neutral linl, blhtween
 the unadorned and the rouge,-- which, by the w ay, ought to be pro-
 nounced rogue, becanso it is a base deceiver,-and, however lair it
 may seem to her, it is scarcely so in reality.
 I have never yet known a woman who could not show lirself in a
 good light, if you would allow her to do the slhading for o llhers.
 Even the most insignificant of her sex possesses that charming pre-
 Raphaelite quality of bringing distant objects into the foreground ; bil,
 like the painters of tlat delightful brick-wall school, sho can show yiu
 the surface of others with a marvollous microscopic Iiinuteness.
 Woman is Idealistic in regard to herself; to others the leal Iha
 no firmer friends. Indeed, WAiDDLEs, thle eminlent grmnbler, onic,
 said that woman is all surface: would that it, were true! It is my
 belief that if the highest yearning for the Ideal were mcoasured down-
 wards, it would still require another highest yearning added to ii
 before it would approach in any way to the ctio depth of a woman !
 And yet I am not hard upon telm, for my art compels me to lovo
 them, and, therefore, I am lenient. Thle JRcal is their forte. Ask
 JONES, who was stopped in the middle of his declaration by a queslioll
 as to how much ho was worth,--the questioner mightli hav meant,
 his moral worth. Ask ANGELO SMIrTH, who, while in the awfil
 act of "popping," was told that lie was kicking tli carpet to
 pieces with his boots,-ANGELO always wears double soles. Ask
 TITIAN B.ROWN, who, at the same eventful imoent of his life,
 was politely requested not to place hii dirty cake tolbaco iln tli
 requestor's hand,-tliat Was a pure accident, for IlIOWN toll me tlhn
 he thought that it was his portrait. Ask,-but I need inot addhlui
 more proofs. They arn Realistic in all business iflairs, aid, of course,
 marriage and all that sort of thing is but business to thni(.l-thnm-
 selves being the goods to be sohl: and having 1h'itaniFvat i it, ltey
retire upon the profits. A pretty flirt can draw i circle in a very
short time. At a geonmelrical net she is a perfect adept; tli wvor', if
it being that it looks so like a real one, that, flies and miotihsi lm'y 1l]:ni,
they are entangled in its meliches; until, lired of waifing fh r tih
spider, they surprise themselves by flying awaty to a real ni,.


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