DECEMBER 7, 1861.]


:FTU:N.


 CARD SHARPS-SHARP CARDS!

DOES EITHER OF THESE GENTLEMEN LOOK AN IIONEST MAN N I THE FA


 THE LATEST DEFINITION OF AMUSEMENT.
 THE following advertisement from the columns of a contemporary
strikes us as affording food for the meditative mind of man:-
OWN AMONG THE DEAD MEN, a Diver's Story, appears in ENTER-
 TAINING THINGS. Profusely Illustrated.
 We cannot but wonder at that peculiar state of feeling, under the
influence of which anything connected with down among the dead
men" can be possibly considered as an entertaining thing. The
particular idea of mirth and jollity under such auspices is, we should
imagine, one which would gain the approval of Mu. 3MARK TAPLEY.
Certainly a proper appendant to the above would be a "Book of-Wit
and Jest," the contributors of which should be undertakers and sex-
tons; and the illustrations furnished by Ma. CALCRAFT; we may also
suggest to the conductors of "Entertaining Things" that they find a
place in their columns for Chronicles of a Coffin," and the like
amusing and cheerful class of literature. But possibly those inte-
rested in the welfare of the publication in question imagine that
tle announcement of these charming reminiscences being the story
of a diver will secure their favourable perusal. Divers generally
present a highly mirthful and entertaining appearance and indulge
in the brightest repartee, as may be proved by taking as instances
those swathed-up gentlemen who sit on the edge of the Polytechnic
basin, in full caparison. Therefore it may be that any danger of
non-interest in the "Down among the Deadmen" is obviated by its
being the narration of a diver, which will, of course, find favour with
geese.


 WHY are the London Scottish Rifles very unlikely to become
 teetotalers ?-Because they work best under Elchoholic influence.
 WHY is a drill-serjeant necessarily a good physician?-Because
 he's always engaged in play-tune (platoon) exercises.
 QUESTION BY OLD BATLEY.--Wlen a cross-examiner sifts a matter,
 may he be also said to strain a point ?
 LIKELY, BUT UJNPROFITABLE.-To go wool-gathering over thie cotton
 question.


 CIVIL WAIl.
 IT will be a novel treat for all "sensation lovers if two helligerevt,
ships belonging to the iopposito Allericau fictliols ::houl mlcr'ti aind
havo a, fair stand-up lightL in our waters. Ait xc'ursion train would
probably start at tlie first ntio oti o sucli a Iproc'eding, and oilr,
glasses would be as 1plentilil along thei ciost, as a:t. (ilsl's litl'rwill, :a.
volunteer review, the cup day at Ascot, or ian inlir('stini' Iial fwl
murder. The excitement could be kept u1pi oni tinl' u'ls tido Iby
animated bets in ponies, monkeys, tand other fabulous sins, whlii
tle cruel fair ones could transacta little business in killd 6 lOes, kisses,
embroidered slippers, and delicate cigar cases. 'li enter'iising
and distinguished American from the "i' r" in Leic ester-sqillur
might improve the occasion by seLting upl) a stall fir minil .Ijlel,
gin sling, sherry coblcr, and cooling cic'tlail, not only for tli Slpec-
tators, but also for tile combatants, wlio might (coie oin iliire fIr
refreslunent (say ten minutes in the mniildl' of tiI diy tl fior aiI it mis-
tice); and on the whole MRt. ,luil' hiinmself could not, suggest a
better plan for mitigating tle horrors of a war, in this case, of a miost,
civil description.


 A CROTCIETY QUESTION.
 SIR,-Was IANDE.L a great drinker ? I lihor that wlen comnlsin(
 the Creation he ran up a very long score. Apologizing for taking up
 your space with this note, I remain, yours trcely,
 1)ec-.ilder-linbe. SAM Iir Ev i.


 IIARD LINES ON A FI,EI'TOiMANIAC LA, NGIIISHING IN i'IISlN.
 Ill.: who's convicted againstt his will,
 Is in the same (ohl!) pinions st ill.
 (CQordrxi.,,'li ,l1 1: I IONS.)


 PluOVEHIIIAL PHIllosol'iY. (oi" Wvt']1 blo cn e n'b e l wpd." Itt'erly
 absurd and incorrect : ri l:oar I't I'I.l. l's (F:ook'S (;uidc."
 Q:itY.-Wa s I.BUNYAN; a CornisIh mnn ?


 115



 AFRiC'S 1A111i).
 T imH KI l OF HoNN is by no inwnus
 in a bonny condition. Sonme of his
 I subjects have roboll'd against him,
 and, considering tliir coilhir, heir
 Behavior is of the very llaeket, kind.
 Ini such ia Lime of adversity, wihy does
 not the poet Close fly to the aid of his
 ,I 1 royal patron, who would doubtless be
 happier if hel had C'.ose : by him-a
 Spot of such remarkable abilities,
 'I though unfortunately nllappreciated ill
 his own country. ow thlie bnrd
 S j! would sear and witlher tlle very cye-
 I i i i balls of the contlmniiaious IHonyit's
 with his scorching Phililppis, judicious
 S compounds oif bosh and llilliniigalto
 that they are. Still, wo are not, sure
 S but that tlhe sbleo ilonair'li is to lie
 congratulated on lthe ailbsnce of his
 Laureate ; toijourls perdri. is wNearisoei ',
 I but loeiiours Ci.ose,-thio idea is too
 dreadful to contemplate.


 Mlostr ApriaorIlATE.- 'I-Th initials ofl
 the manager of ti, lllank oif I deposit
 wero P. 11. Was that synlltoliera of
 the Precious M ess in which fithe unllr-
 tunate depositors find tllhcmlvces?
 Query Iy y our contributor who lias not
 got any mioniey thero (or anywhere
 else, so far as ho knows).
 '"NTICE OF Mo'TION."-T1li railway
 whistle.
,CE KINtt LCeer.--IENIv il.: EIGI11.I.