11F I l I [NOVEMBER 30, 1861.


 LADIES, BEWARE!
AN ACCIDENT THAT ?Lma1/ HAPPEN IN PASSING THE PROPOSED "PNEUMATIC
 DESPATCH COMPANY'S" TUBES.


 THE LAY OF THE STOCKBROKER.
 I CARE not for the Three per Cents.,
 I loathe the smell of Stocks,
 SI've lost my interest in the Funds,
 In mines, canals, and docks;
 I'm reckless, and would even buy
 The Great Ship Comp'ny's shares,
 I'm savage, yet I cannot seek
 The haunt of "bulls" and "bears."
 We were so constant, she and I,
 We never had a jar,
 My step on 'Change was light as cork,
 My happiness at par;
 No other shared her preference then,
 No other sold her scrip,
 We talked about our wedding-day,
 : About our wedding-trip.
 A month ago. ('twas "settling" day,
 And I had writ a line
 To say that I should take her soon
 To hear LOUISA PYNE),
 A letter came, on tinted note,
 The palest shade of blue,
 She'd changed her mind, and,-short P.S.,
 She'd changed her broker too.
 Consols may rise, but naught consoles
 A disappointed man;
 I'm going, as a volunteer,
 To fight the Mexican,
 For by this morning's Star I see
 The transfer is complete,-
 Her marriage yesterday took place
 At All Saints, Marg'ret-street.


 AN AWKWARD QUESTION.-We have solved the mystery why
the EMPEROR OF THE FRENCII has never been crowned: is it
not possible-nay, probable-that, as his MAJESTY has evi-
dently boon raising money in all imaginable ways, he may
have-it's an awkward question to- ask-he may have--
well, parted with the crown ? If so, he might defend the
act by saying there was no harm in sending back to his
Uncle what ho had received from him; and the delay which
has created so much surprise would thus be most fully
accounted for


 OMNIBUS ETIQUETTE.
 WIIENEVER you see an omnibus you may stop it, and ask in an
 innocent manner if it be going to the Bank ? The answer most
 likely will be in the affirmative, when you can say, Ah! I thought
 so," as if you were sorry it was not going the other way. It is not
 unlikely but that the conductor will make some witty remarks touch-
 ing your personal appearance, etc. you may, however, laugh at these,
 as you will have the best of the joke. When you are compelled to ride
 in an omnibus, it is advisable to secure the seat nearest to the door,
 as there are many advantages attached to it. In the first place, you
 have the exquisite pleasure of poking the conductor in the ribs with
 your umbrella whenever any one wants to alight. If you are well up
 in fencing you willbe able to touch him just under the fifth rib, which
 is very desirable. Then you have the option of assisting the ladies,-
 that is, if you have the moral courage; as the dear creatures will
 sometimes, instead of placing their hands in yours with a look of
 confidence, place them on their pockets, and reward you with a look
 or suspicion, no matter what your appearance may be.
 In entering an omnibus g;eat care must be taken in order to prevent
yourself being deposited unceremoniously in an old lady's lap. The
best way of evading the above rather ridiculous position, is to place
your hand firmly on the first gentleman's hat you see. Don't be
particular about knocking it over his eyes, he will only look savage.
 Supposing you to be seated opposite a pretty girl, you may stare at
her as much as you like. If she blushes, that is a sign your attentions
will be favourably received. But if she should look indignant, you
ought to alter your tactics: treading on her toes and afterwards
asking her pardon might have an effect; or you make some remark
about the weather; this is a very interesting topic of conversation,


and never fails of drawing people out. If, however, the object of these
attentions suddenly prefers walking, it would be a want of self-respect
in you to think for a moment that you had driven her to that course.
 Having arrived at your destination, it will be necessary to give a
final thrust with your umbrella in order to bring the "Bus" to a
stand still; when you may quietly get out, slowly unbutton your
great coat, give the conductor half-a-crown, in order to keep him
waiting till you have received your change, and then walk away.


 SOHOLD AGAIN!
 DE RHONA dances gracefully and well,
 And is an actress of respectability;
 But if she hopes to draw with Atar Gull,
 I only wonder at her gullibility.


 DISTRESSING CASE.-A once energetic rifleman excused his resigna-
tion on the ridiculous ground, that whenever he sought his corps, he
found it 'rined. His friends have since made every effort (but un-
apple-ly in vain) to induce him to stem his talk.
 HOPE FOR LESSEPS.- Immediately after sending M. FOULD'S report,
the EMPEROR wrote to 1M. LESSEPS: "Enormous deficit! My uncle !
Pledge my word-only thing left! Suez (sous ?) very acceptable.
Cut away."
 INSULT TO INJUav.-In the American correspondence of a daily
paper the following cruel case lately appeared:-" The assassin was
condemned to death, and also to pay the expenses of the trial."


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