96 FTN.


[NOVEMBER 23, 1861.


 LISTENERS DO SOMETIMES HEAR GOOD OF THEMSELVES.
 For instance,-So and So entered his stable this inorning, unobserved by his men, and was gratified
 at caring the following fragment of conversation:-
 IlillianI:-"WHAT A KIND AND GENEROUS GENTLEMAN MASTER IS, HENRY !"
 Henry:--"WHEN nDu YOUl FIND THAT OUT?" (Henry is sceptical.)
 lillinam:-" WELL, SO HE IS; TO GIVE EIGHTY GUINEAS FOR THAT THERE RUBBISHING OLD
BROKEN-WINDED CHESTNUT 3MARE,-I CALL THAT WERY GENEROUS! AND TO PUT A COUPLE OF.
SOVE'lAIGNS INTO OUR POCKETS BY DOING OF IT AT OUR RECOMMENDATION. DON'T YOU CALL THAT
WERY KIND OF H1IM?"


 LAY OF THE FLEET;
 OR, ALL IN THE DOWNS, Nov. 13, 1861.
 ALL in the Downs the Fleet lay moored,
 Last week,-(my dear eyes! it cid
 blow!)
With necessaries we was stored,
 And bound away for Mexico.
The Adm'ral had a Barrow-meeter,
 Guv' him by the Adm'ralty,
 (It foretells the murky weather
 By the means of murkyry).
At two bells he takes note of it,
 "Mate," says he, "there'll be a
 gale;
 This ere glass says, like a prophet,
 We'll be losers by this sail."
When the naval lords did know that,
 Dreading much the briny trough,
Said, The glass is now so low that
 You'll postpone your putting off."
Thus the Adm'ral had his orders,
 Which o'course to him is law,
And at once our crew of boarders,
 Went as lodgers on the shore.
Once on land messmatess, belay! here,
 Differ much them lords and me),
When my glass is high, I stay here,
 When it's low-I'll go to sea.

 EVASIVE, AT LEAST.-The REV. Mn.
SPURGEON, in his discourse on Famous
Lord Mayors," is reported to have said
that the first Dissenting Lord Mayor
was such a pious man, that he actually
left his guests awhile, in the midst of
the 9th of November festivities, for the
purpose of stealing away, to pray,
alone: and that, on his return to them,
he excused his temporary absence by
saying that he had been engaged with
a very dear friend." If this report be
correct, all we can say is, that, in the
words of the reverend lecturer himself,
when speaking of another wearer of
the civic chain, "the less said of this
Lord Mayor, the better! "
 FROM THE NOTE-BOOK OF A FASIION-
ABLE PHYSICIAN.-" It's the get-up that
goes down!"
 "JUSTICES' JUSTICE."-So's a spade
a spade!


 LIGHT LITERATURE.
 PnFuosoPricAL FiNx,-Sir, I am a student of all Natural History,
 (exclusive of DR. DoRAN's Court Fools "), and I now wish to lay
 before you the claims which a certain class of the human family
 should have upon the sympathies of all true promoters of free inquiry
 and lovers of real scientific investigation. Sir, I allude to the genus
 lampligliter. Ho (the lamplighter) is one who has shown himself
 eniinently suited to an ago of progress and enlightenment. He raises
 himself by his own exertions to a position far above the ordinary
 walks of life. High exalted! and yet, strange to say, he has been
 overlooked. Who, I ask, daily takes steps for the illumination of his
 fellow-man ? The answer you may guess-I should say gas-is, the
lamplighter. And what is his reward? He takes, generally very
late in the day, to fast courses: surely, premature old age is the con-
sequence; if so, where is the college for decayed lamplighters ? Are
they never decayed ? or do they, perchance, not even stop at a garru-
lous old age, but run on until it is their turn to climb up JACOB'S
ladder to the regions of light ? Some members of this marvellous
body are, I am told (for who has ever spoken to a lamplighter ?), men
of rare cultivation, reverencing the author of "The Seven Lamps of
Architecture," conscientiously objecting to Othello's line, Put out


the light" (where, by the way, they could have given some novel
"business" to MR. FECHTER), and greatly interested in M. Dul
CHAILLU'S discovery of the "gorilla" as a Link in the creation. Such
are they intellectually. This is the slight information which I am
able to put before you. It may lead to greater things. We must
investigate their descent and gradual rise. To this end, prompt gas
measures should be taken at once under the direction of SIR RICHARD
MAYNE, who, unless he has been previously turned off, will be
ready to give all his mite to the Lamplighters' Benevolent Inves-
tigation Fund. I send you this by lamp-post, and am your delighted,
 Burners-street. Lux EVERYTHING.

 NOTES AND QUERIES.
 My DEAR WELL-INFORMED FUN,-We've often heard of Beulah Spa,
can you inform me who was Beulah's ma?-Yours,
 WILLY WISP AND A CONSTANT SUBSCRIBER.
 -E A Constant Subscriber hasn't paid for the last four numbers;
remit stamps, and perhaps we'll send you an answer.-ED.

 THE BUTCHERS' MEET.-A Buy-lane, Clare-market.