~__


Severe Policecman:-" DOES THIS ANIMAL IIELONG TO YOU ?"
,S'rcastic 1'roprietor:-" WELL, IT AIN'T A MIEMBER OF yor00 FAMILY, IS IT?"
 (Severe Policeman is shut up.)


SWhy, sir, although a man must balk
 His tongue, and have a slight hope,
 Of being heard if he can't talk
 Of BLONDIN on the tight rope;
Why should those wondrous feats be
 named,
 To my intense vexation,
 (Of which I'm not at all ashamed),
 By that one word, Sensation? "
 Why is the drama in which Miles
 Dives down beneath the water,
 To save, 'mid cheers, and tears, and
 smiles,
 Green Erin's fairest daughter;
 Why should this drama draw me out
 In honest indignation,
 By putting epithets to rout,
 Except the word, Sensation ?"
Now, sir, I see you're going to laugh,
 I don't see aught that's jolly,
In what my fast friends christen
 "chaff,"
 I call it, sir, weak folly.
I cannot take my daily port,
 Or shine in conversation,
Till the career is cut right short
 Of that vile word, Sensation."


 WHrEN is a pig's-head like a piano-
forte maker ?-When it's Collard.
 TIIE GREATEST MATRIMONIAL AGENCY
[N LoNDox.-The Heart-Union.
 MR. BRIGHT says that if the planters
stop the supply of cotton this winter we
shall assuredly find ourselves worsted.


 "ALL HAVE THEIR ENTREES."
 NEW ANGLO-FRENCH VERSION or "As You LIKE IT."
 EvERY epicure knows the value of a good appetiser previous to
 dinner. The following receipts we can recommend as better than
 bitters (which will be in our list conspicuous. by their absinthe),
.superior to oysters, and excelling horse-radish, inasmuch as they are
not to be sneezed at. The first is to be taken ten minutes before
dlinner-time, and is entitled 'The Tickler. Take four or five thick
slices of cold roast pork. Eat gently with potatoes and apple-sauce.
If a further whet is necessary, trifle with- a suet dumpling or two,
and, perhaps, a quiet half-pint of treacle; a few astronomers recom-
mend the addition of pound of Cheshire cheese, but this last stimu-
lant is only required by palates of the most blase character.
 Tho second, to be taken a quarter of a hour before dinner, is known
as Tie S'uck, r. Take half a loaf of hot new bread, eat quickly, and
ahernato spoonfuls of honey, Devonshiro cream (a pint), and two
plates of pea-soup, with sips from a breakfast-cup of chocolate, and
bites of a Bologna sausage. The latter receipt is very popular in
aristocratic circles, and those who act on the above advice will be
soon ready to swallow anything.


 A tERY FrATTErn ULiNCTION ]NDEiE.-Thlere is a young scion of
a noble house, who has such a howwaw of anything like a snob, that
lie thanks his lucky stars, daily, that lie wasn't born even intelligent ,!
 A'rraiinUTED TO THE ANALYSTr or THE "LANxET."-Poor tax-paying
JouN Bt:,rL even your viands are adulterated .!


 MATRIMONIAL, ETC.
 IN the columns of a London daily paper, the following advertise-
ment appeared a few days ago:-
\f ATRIMONY.-A Gentleman, retas 30, accomplished, highly connected, com-
a1 municant of the Established Church, residing 17 miles north of London,
accustomed tokeep a pony carriage and all necessary comforts, bseingastudious
mind and retired habits, would l1) glad to communicate with any educated
lady of means, possessing an affectionate disposition and religious principles.
Arrangements could be made for the lady's mamma to reside in the house if
desired.
 We have heard that "respectability keeps a gig," and we now
discover the fact that a communicant of the Established Chiarch "
is accustomed to keep a pony-carriage." "We should imagine that
though the advertiser lives seventeen miles on the north side of
London, he must be considerably on the north side of gentility, not-
withstanding his announcing the fact that he is accomplished and
highly connected. He says he would be glad to "communicate"
with any educated lady of means. For a gentleman who describes
himself as a "communicant" we are not surprised at this, but when
he made it a sine qua nout that she must possess religious principles, did
he not mean "principal?" It is wonderful how these beings "of
studious mind and retired habits look after the main chance. But
the brilliant climax is something overwhelming. "A'rrangements
could be made for the lady's mamma to reside in the house if desired."
Of course, at so much a week. Generous creature of studious mind
and retired habits i we respect you, and firmly hope that you may meet
with a lady of the nature required, and that the lady's "mamma"
will reside in the house.


4 TF U -. [NOVEMBER 23, 1861.


 SA SENSATION SONG.
 S i' BY MR. GROWLER OLDrUCI.
 S' I going to talk in humble rhyme,
 But with the ablest reason,
 S-- Of all the follies of the time,
 c C The "lions of the season.
 The editor of FUN may choose
 'I 1To print this lucubration,
 In which I heartily abuse
 That idiot word, Sensation."


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