80 FUTN.


 DOWN ON THE ROCKS.
 "WELL, EMILY! EVEN IF YOU HAVE IIURT YOURSELF, IT IS NO REASON
 WHY TOU SHOULD MAKE USE OF SUCH BAD LANGUAGE.
Poor Emily had only remarked that she had fallen on the damp slilpery rocks.


 [NOVEMBER 9, 1861.


ANACREONTICS FOR INVALIDS.
 WINE! Wino! Wined
 Wine that is called Quinine!
 A table-spoonful ere I dine,
 From bottle costing one and nine,
 Shall make my nerves as strong as thine.
 Let the man who has of late,
 Got into a shaky state,
 Who cannot bear the bang of door,
 Who shudders at the city's roar,
 Who shuns the shriek of knife on plate,
 Who dreads the pencil's scream on slate,
 Growing frantic, frenzied, wild,
 At the squalling of a child,,
 Strengthen his spTne,
 By the wine, Quinine,
TI un.l f,.g i ,tha chicen onnrrl-ti-n fino


 Nay, a spoonful, say,
 But twice a day,
 Shall make his nerves as strong as mine.
 Wine! Wine! Wine!
 Wine of the best Quinine!
 Shall make you eager rush to dine,
 With an appetite that's fine,
 Health's unerring cheering sign.
 Then let cats on tiles at night,
 Serenade and spiteful fight,
 Let the barrel-organ grind,
 All the tunes the man can find,
 Let each cry about the streets,
 Deafen every ear it meets,
 Let the cornet-player below,
 Practice airs he doesn't know,
 Yet a draught of the Wine,
 Quinine, divine,
 Shall make you bear those ills of thine,
 And every day
 A wine-glass may
 Soon make your nerves as strong as mine.


 WHY are our contributors likely to be poorly paid ?-
Because they only write for FUN.
 JEWEL'S APOLOGY.-Paste.
 MIISNOMER.-Cheap furniture is not "goods."


 PAN AT THE PLAY.
Ruy Bias, a grand op'ra in four acts, and founded
 Upon the French drama which FECIITER'S so great in,
Has equalled the anticipations which sounded
 Absurd-go and see it; by no means go late in,
But get a good place, and dispose of your shins,
With your hat, ere the overture splendid begins.
And you will not enjoy it the less, flienfl, for knowing
You've not had to pay to the person for showing
You into a seat-an atrocious extortion-
Which was (it's a cockneyish rhyme) such a "caution."
At our playhouses once, like effete old Vauxhall,
You put down half-a-crown to see nothing at all;
For what with the circus, and what with the shows,
You found of ten shillings you soon could dispose;
The half-crown admitting alone, if you please,
To Eve at the fountain," a rather stiff breeze,
And little oil lamps stuck about in the trees.
 ACT I.
The overture's over, the small bell is ringing,
Behold Spanish nobles a dancing and singing,
When enter the coolest and pertest of pages,
A character which, saints be praised, to the stage is
Entirely confined-for a page or a valet,
Who's permitted his master or mistress to rally,
And to sauce their grand friends as this young scapegrace Oscar, ha
 Must, without any doubt,
 On the spot be kicked out,
Sure as fate, or that LORD BYRON wrote the Tico Foscari.


Well, after some badinage, enter Don Sallust,
The bad heavy man, of the op'ra the ballast;
He says that he's waiting for Gudiel, his minion,
And its plain he respects a good deal his opinion.
For something he says puts him into a rage,
And forces him wildly to taking the stage,
And singing a scena remarkably well,
Addressed to the audience and not Gudi-el.
 Tattered and torn,
 Rather unshorn,
 Enter Don Cccsar, a very high born
 Spanish grandee,
 One you can see
 Possessed not of even a marave-di.
The valets are keeping him back when brave Rvy
Exclaimeth, in recitative, Men, what do ye ?"
Then finding the Don's his particular friend,
Zafari the valets away he doth send,
And sings a sweet thing in which sad hints he drops
(By this time its stuck all about in the shops)
About his mad love for-Ha ha!-for his Queen .
Overheard by Don Sallust and Gudiel, who're seen
By the audience, and not by the two down in front;
And Sallust, who seems not to care about blunt,
Soon discovers himself, gives Don Ccesar a purse,
Having sent off the lackey to dress, to rehearse
For quite a new part he would see him enact,
That very fine role of Don Csesar, in fact,
Whom he shakes by the hand, while he whispers aside
To GvdicZ, his "creature," to get him dekyed,