60 FU TJN. SCENE AT A LATE MEETING. SWORD EXERCISE FOR THE STREETS OF LONDON. So alarmingly have the perils of pedestrian locomotion in the crowded thorough- fares of our great metropolis increased of late, that we have deemed it our duty to draw up a few rules for self-preservation, by means of which any person, armed with a good stout walking-stick, may possibly walk the London streets without endangering life or limb; may hope to return home at night after a whole day's perambulation of the city, taking back with him the ordinary number of eyes allotted by bounteous nature to humanity, finding himself in possession of the precise quantity of teeth with which he started in the morning; with ribs un- broken, shins uninjured, and his abdominal regions unpunctured by sharp umbrella- spikes. The plan whereby we would have the pedestrian guard himself from the dangers that surround him, is a modification of the broad-sword exercise,-or perhaps we should say, considering the weapon of defence we suggest to carry out the plan,-rather a modification of the good old English game of single-stick. The weapon, or walking-stick, should be firmly grasped in the right hand in a manner which will allow full and fair play to the wrist, as upon the ready action of the wrist the success of the manoeuvres we are about describing will mainly depend. We now proceed to give the different guards. FIRST GUARD.--T0 prevent the loss of an eye by its being knoclced out by an enemy .i front of you.-This guard, we need not say, is a most important one, and as the mode of attack intended to be provided against is a very common device of the enemy (who is generally a respectably dressed old gentleman, most likely some- thing on the Stock Exchange), it may be as well to describe the attack itself, before giving instructions how to meet it. The enemy walking somewhat rapidly along a few paces in front of you, carries a sharp-pointed umbrella beneath his arm, inclined upwards at an angle of between thirty and forty-five degrees, an inclination which it will be found on calculation brings the ferule in a direct line with the eye of any person following some two or three yards behind. When both parties have so far got into swing that a regular pace is established, and the same distance is continuously preserved between them, the old gentleman in front abruptly stops on the pretence either of having met a friend, or of setting his watch by the church clock.. The person following, being unprepared for this I [OCTOBER 19, 1861. sudden manoeuvre, keeps on his pace, and, as a natural consequence, receives the point of the enemy's umbrella in the right or left eye, as the case may be. Now for the guard, which we call No. 1, or the "mind-your-eye" movement:-From the moment that the intention of the enemy is perceived, raise your stick over your right shoulder, carrying it in the same position as that in which dragoon regiments hold their drawn swords prepa- ratory to going into action. Then, keeping your eye firmly fixed upon the enemy's umbrella, you may, by a dexterous sweep, delivered the moment he slackens speed, beat down his point effectually. If, in proceeding to "recover arms," you should fetch the old idiot a back- hander on the nose, as he naturally turns round to see what's happened, so much the better; it serves him right. Don't apologize, but bow coldly and pass on. SECOND GuARD.-Prepare to receive Crinoline.-The terrible practice, recently become so prevalent amongst the so-called "gentle" sex, of wearing heavy hoops of iron attached to the bottom of their dresses-which hoops set in motion by the "wobbling" gait universally adopted by their wearers, threaten fearfully to mascu- line shins-renders a correct and practical knowledge of this guard vitally essential to all who value their shin- bones. On the first symptom of danger hold your stick in the position generally known as the fifth guard of the broad-sword exercise; the right arm being extended well across the chest, the knuckles turned inwards, and the point of your weapon directed downwards. Then, as the enemy comes alongside, by rapidly lowering your arm, grasping your weapon firmly the while, and turn- ing the point slightly outwards, you may effectually parry the otherwise fearful blow, the full force of the concussion being expended on the stick, which we have premised must be a stout one, instead of your receiving it on the highly sensitive portion of your anatomy which we have already indicated. Should the attacking party turn round on you when thus defeated, and ask you "if you consider yourself a gentleman ?" bear in mind this is a free country, where no person is bound to criminate himself, and where no compulsory declaration of one's private thoughts or opinions is recognized. Bdw coldly, as in the former case, and pass on. THIRD GUARD.-To parJr the back-swinging thrust.- The mode of attack, as well as the guard which we have to describe under this head, closely resembles those spoken of under "Guard No. 1," only the attack being directed at a portion of the body lower down (somewhere about ilere our dinners are popularly, though erro- neouslyy,'Fpposed to be deposited, in fact), a slight modi- fication in the defence adopted becomes requisite. The attack is made by means of a pointed stick; or, as in the former case, an umbrella, which is carried horizontally in the enemy's right hand. By a violent swinging of the arm in walking, the weapon is made to describe a series of dangerous thrusts in the direction of the abdominal regions belonging to any person walking behind. The sixth guard of the ordinary broad-sword exercise will successfully parry this kind of thrust; and as the mode of attack adopted is, unlike the others we have spoken of, so palpably and unmistakably aggressive, you may, in this case, pass on without bowing. There are numerous other guards which it would be well for the city pedestrian to practise; as, for instance, to shield the head from collision with a plank carried on the shoulder of a labourer; to guard against a heavy sun-blind suddenly being let down upon you from a. tradesman's shop-front; or a shutter suddenly thrust up at you through the pavement; or to protect the eyes from the little spikes on the circumference of um- brellas when carried open by a passer by on a rainy day (which spikes, though less dangerous than the ferrule at the end of the same highly offensive weapon, are, to say the least, annoying). We could, in fact, fill a whole number with instructions for self-preservation in these cases, but we refrain. We have already given quite enough for a first lesson. WHAT science do charity-boys represent ?-Free-know- ledg-y.