FUNT T.


[SEPTEMBER 28, 1861.


 Country Gentleman :-"Now, LAD, TE'YE DRUV ME ABOUT A
MILE. WHAT 'LL RE REFARE"
 Cabby (as he ought to be) :-" THAT, SIR, WILL BE EXACTLY SIX-
PENCE."


AN ADVENTURE "IN THE STRAND."
 (To be sung to the popular melody of Dixcy's Land.")
 LAST Monday week I met a swell,
 Just outside Thingummy's Hotel,
 In the Strand, in the Strand;
 He asked me if I knew the time,
 And said, Pray tell me, sir, if I'm
 In the Strand, in the Strand ?"
 Says he, "I rather fancy
 I know, I know
 Your face, somewhere
 We've met, I'll swear."
 I didn't then his plan see.
 Heigho! heigho!
 'Twas worse than necromancy.
 Says he, I am a stranger here,
 Pray which is the best house for beer
 In the Strand, in the Strand ?
 Says I, "I really cannot say."
 Says he, Let's try this one, I'll pay,
 I shall stand, I shall stand."
 I thought him very gracious,
 Heigho! heigho!
 I could'nt doubt
 When he pulled out
 A leather purse capacious.
 But oh! heigho !
 The whole thing was owdacious.
 We had a glass, and then another,
 He swore that I was like his brother,
 Squeezed my hand, squeezed my hand;
 Declared he could'nt let me go,
 But led me off, he said, to show
 Something grand, something grand.


 So forth we both did sally,
 Heigho! heigho !
 Until a stay
 We made at a
 Confounded skittle alley.
 Let's stop, one drop,"
 Says he, "our nerves 'twill rally."
 We just dropped in to see the sport,
 I little fancied I was caught,
 Quite trepanned, quite trepanned.
 A very gentlemanly youth,
 Who looked all innocence and truth,
 (It was planned, it was planned),
 Came up, and blandly showing
 A row, a row
 Of teethT, said, "Why
 Not have a try?
 Come, just one little go in,'
 One throw." Heigho!
 That youth was much too knowing.
 They placed the skittles, nine in all,
 I took the heavy wooden ball
 In my hand, in my hand;
 I'm not so very bad a shot,
 And at ond swoop upset the lot,
 Understand, understand.
 'They all set up a shout then,
 Bravo! Bravo!
 I ordered" six
 Of brandy,"-tricks
 I never thought about then.
 Heigho! heigho!
 I wish that I'd gone out then.
 I drank my brandy, it was strong;
 A sediment, a something wrong,
 Just like sand, just like sand,
Was in the glass; then, by-and-by,
I giddy grew and found that I
 Couldn't stand, couldn't stand.
 But still I went on playing,
 When lo! I go
 Down on the ground;-
 When raised, its found
 They've vanished without paying.
 "They've gone," says John,
 "But where, there haint no saying."
What's that? They've gone! Atrocious sell;
My watch, my money, gone as well;
 Sharper band, sharper band;
My new coat torn, my shiny hat
As any pancake squeezed as flat,
 In the land, in the land.
 I talk to a policeman;
 No go, no go,
 Says he, These roiighs
 Cleans out you muffs,
 And take so much apiece, man;
 Heigho! heigho!
 Cheat, swindle, do, and fleece man."
I walked home very much dejected,
But as I went along reflected,
 In the Strand, in the Strand :
I've read of o'er and o'er again,
These blackguard sldttle-sharping men,
 All so bland, all so bland.
 All flesh is grass" must mean, oh!
 I know, I know,
 That midst all shades
 The sharpest blades
 Are often the most green, oh!
 Cab, ho cab, ho !
 To Holborn,-the Casino!"


 MJOST AGREEABLE.-Perhaps the pleasantest quarter of an hour
it is possible to spend is that during which you "mind the seats" of
four stout country gentlemen in the second row of a crowded pit, the
people round about making personal remarks, and the absentees
appearing never to be coming back.


london: Printed and Pulished fortee Proprietors) by CHARLES WHYTE at t Office, 80, Fleet Street, E.C.-Saturday, September 2, 1801


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