SEPTEMBER 28, 1861.] U 1J I .21


 have changed all tlit." Of course, our injured triiend did not seek
 S' '. ', one of these places ; he went to an hotel, one which was adv\rtiserld ia
 J, '. "conducted in accordance with the spirit of the times." If it, had
 S'"I' 1 said in accordance with the spirit and water of the times, it would
 'ave been nearer the mark, and the O. F. E. G. would not, have boen
 .I driven by the fiery fines of the sherry and the cool airs of tlio waiter,
 ",. l' to seek another establishment which was described in tih newspapers
 .I i as carried oi upon liberal principles."
 SOur ilO friend, upon leaving (which lie did rather speedily, for lie said
 the sheets were too fine for him), declared that the liberality was
 S".iB 1; evidently intended to emanate from the customer, and that: the
 advertisement, though ambiguous, was, to a certain extent, truthlfil.
 -li It would be wearisome to onumerato the many hotels which our
 friiend put up at, but not with ; suffico it to say, that he grumbled al
 all of them. They were too grand, too easy-chairy, too plate-glassy,
 too chandeliery; the waiters were obtrusively attentive, insultingly
 neat and clean in appearance; the smops were too thick, the wiin.e
 -- -etoo thin; the piano jingling over head kept him awake at night, ndl
 the market arts woko him out of his first sleep ; and, in short, after
 S" doing (as you snobs of the present day say) hotels of all sorts and
 Sizes, lie was forced, with his journey's uncomfortable ending, to ciino
 S-" _to the equally unpleasant conclusion that, besides the dearth ofauthirs,
 --- painters, and actors, there are no hotels now-a-days, sir."
 Now, although we may be dying out (I say "we," because 1 am
 NOT A BAD IDEA. proud to say that I am an old-fashioned goutleman too), we have yet
 some vitality,-" there is lifo in the old dogs yet;" and though we are,
 Wilkins (raLther elevated) to extremely quiet indiridtal :-" I shay, as a rule, averse to speculation, preferring thi security of the Throo
 ole fellar, let'sh you an' I go upstairs an' pretend we're drunk, just per Cents. to shares in Patent Paper Collar Companies, or dabbling in
 to frighten sh' gals." the Llylbachllwyll Lead Mines in South Walos,-not being quite so
 idiotic, in fact, as to think of placing onr money out on the leads,-wo
 have banded together for the purpose of establishing throughout the
 PROSPECTUS OF THE NATIONAL OLD-FASHIONED country several inns, not hotels, to be conducted not on "liberal
 UNCOMFORTABLE HOTEL COMPANY. principles," tot in accordance with the spirit of the times;"
 where the attendance is not "to be charged in the bill," wlhero
 IT is an incontrovertible law in nature that feverish excitement must the imperial measure will not be used, and where, under no circum-
 ever be followed by a corresponding depression and languor; and stance whatever, will there be a "porter up all night." We intend
 that things have a peculiar habit of righting themselves if left to taking all the old coach inns in the country, and by a retrograde
 themselves, is a fact which, even in these topsy-turvy days of icono- movement, as regards furnishing, hope to revive in the breasts of those
 clasm, when we find the idols of our forefathers broken into paving who remember what they once wore, tio pleasant feelings of bygone
 stones for the patent leathered loungers of the period to parade upon; travelling days. The bed-rooms are to be papered with dark and un-
 even in these days, when powder is transferred from the flowing locks inviting papers, for anything that induces a man to stay in his bod-
 of the gentlemen to the flaunting faces of what some weak-minded chamber is inimical to health, wealth, and wisdom; the beds will be
 creatures are amiable enough to denominate the softer sex,-in these wooden in every case, the hangings will be heavy and dark, and nob
 days, when you insure your life prior to starting on a day's pleasure, calculated to throw any foreign objects into unpleasant relief. Gas
 and feel disappointed than otherwise at no accident occurring (though will be permitted nowhere on the establishment, and no chambermaids
 these disappointments are becominglessfrequent),-in-in-in short,in will be hired under forty-six. Cheap wines will be intordicted; a
 these days-no one can possess sufficient hardihood to deny. A very large supply of old port will be laid down, a bottle of which, for the
 dangerous class of people exist who, aping the title of social reformers, good of the house," must be ordered by every traveller. Gontlemon
 are rapidly becoming a nuisance. This is the age of reforming, wearing patent leathers must nevertheless pay a fee to the "boots,"
 remodelling, resetting, re-arranging; an age of turning inside out, and wax candles will in every case be charged for, even if the travollor
 of cleaning up and of dusting out, and of putting things where should think fit to retire to bed in broad daylight. No one must
 they were never intended to be, and of introducing now-fangled expect a dinner, even of tli simplest description, to be prepared under
 fashions, and, in fact, of general discomfort to those glorious remnants a couple of hours, and the landlord is to be invariably invited to par-
 of a byegone age, those rapidly decaying, but still, Port be praised, take of the wine and dessert. Subjoined is a list of the
 occasionally existing specimens of humanity-the Old-Fashioned Directors.
 English Gentleman. To say that an Englishman's house is his castle Sti JoNATtAN OLDBUCiK, K.C.B., Somnus Park, Beds.
 is as absurd as to declare that a snail's house is his castle in these Lotn LAZYBONrs, Bddford Square.
 days. Fashion, that flimsy fairy, who I verily believe is able to get in A. STUIx(GE, Esq., Tyowig Hall, Notts.
 through keyholes and down chimneys and under doors, fashion has 13r; GONNE, Esq., Oldham.
 invaded the old English gentleman's home, re-arranged his jolly O, E d
 old furniture, remodelled his steady-going old household, played AsditWts.-CtiAhK STONE, Esq. ; DUNNE FeOE, Esq.
 old gooseberry with his plate and pictures, altered the times of, Secret-ry.- Ml. FOGEY.
 his meals, rushed into the sanctity of his dressing-room, and snipped B anl'ers.--Cmini and Co.
 off the pigtail of which he was so proud, and put him into pegtops of
 which he is ashamed. Fashion has brought on him dyspepsia, and
 frightened him away from the bottle to the soda-water machine on NURSERY RHYMES FOR YOUNG ENGLAND.
 the buffet,-in fact, fashion has attacked the poor fellow in his home, 1.
 in his vital part, in his tenderest point, in the bosom of his family. He's a good boysey-poysey,
 Driven by despair from his domestic circle, yearning for the society of A pity lie is so noisy ;
 congenial souls, what was there for him but the tavern ? (I beg a But turbulent tongues
 million pardons. Ladies, forgive me; gentlemen, look over it; these Show capital lungs,
 new-fashioned steel pens run on so rapidly that one has written a So crow along, boysey-poysey
 word before one knows it.) No, not the tavern. Taverns now-a-days I.
 are only associated with flaring gas-lights, dazzling tinsel and delirium There was a boy of thriftiness who, being wondrous wise,
 tremens, splendour and squalor, fire-water and filth. Taverns once Put money in the savings bank--a post-office he tries,-
 upon a time were resorted to by very different people and were very And when he found his cash was gone, with all his might and main,
 different sorts of places, and it wasn't considered derogatory to crack He went and wrote another form and took it out again.
 a bottle there with a friend; but now-well, I hate everything French,
 because I was brought up to do so; but there is some common-place
 saying in that tongue which young SHAIPE, my nephew, is always VEii THIN-SKINNED.-Why does a certain eminent novelist dislike
quoting, that seems to hit the matter; in English it translates, "we Quakers?-Because lie objects to any one taking off his style.