1F _U ItTmr [SEPTEMBER 21, 1861.



- l~Vib~:i r _


 A. WON'DrEtrFTrLru AG -E.
 Old Geetleisin, pecvmls for timee:-"TlHE TELEGRIAPH A TINE INVENTION INDEED! FINE IIDDLESTICKS!
TIIERE AND BACK IN HALF THE TIME."
 Telefgraplih Bo:--"Nowe, BILL, Bn:sr TWO OUT o' TIIREE. CRY TO 3 E.'
 Butcher BoDl : -"'E'ADs!"


I COULD HAVE RU-


 RI-DDLE MY REE. offered a valuable prize to our recognized contributors for the montr
 DDCONUNDRUEM.
 THAr talented professor of the art of legerdemain, the Wizard of the We are grieved to say, however, that our liberal offer has not been
 North, has frequently succeeded in galvanizing an apathetic public received in exactly the proper spirit, and we have been reluctantly
 into a temporary excitement by offering a prize for the best original compelled to act in a severe manner, not at all pleasant to ourselves
 conundrum. We have often pictured to ourselves the Wizard sur- or our contributors. These are the riddles sent to us:-
 rounded by his blooming family in his back parlour, far away from Why was Miss LOUISr KEELEY, in the last Olympic burlesque,
 his conjuring apparatus, and divested of that marvellous dress suit superior as a conductor to ALFRED Mi TLLoN ?
 which struck such dismay to the heart of young Worsuor (who Because MxELLO beats time, but Miss KEELEY beat Time-er.
 obtrusively placed himself in the flont row, and had his watch taken In consideration of this contributor's extreme age and universal
 from him, and smashed to pieces under his very nose), that he was experience, we have desired him not to trouble himself again.
 afraid to breathe, although, as he afterwards declared, he "saw how Why does the sun after shining on the hands of a lady controlling a
 it was done." A wizard's back parlour must be a strange sight at pair of horses,-the one horse placed before the other,-resenmble the
 any time, but as the hour for deciding on the merits of the crowds act she is performing ?
 of conundrums approaches, as the great man begins to feel the Because it's tann'd em driving.
 fiigltfil and almost overwhelming responsibility of his position,
 it must indeed take more than ordinary human fortitude to enable This contrbutor was gien in charge.
 him to summon the requisite amount of courage and a four-wheel The last and most flagrant is by a Caledonian contributor.
 cab. What sleepless nights, what dreadful days must that man pass,- Why is the Brompton omnibus, when it has arrived at Sloane-street,
 for wizards are but men, no matter from which quarter of time globe like one of Mit. NoTTON's pills ?
 they come,-who feels that lie has set the busy brains of thousands to Because it's cam-a-mile.
 work on torturing the English language, massacring the memory of We were puzzled as to the amount of punishment to be inflicted on
 LIND.maY MI I-HA, and trampling on the sacred traditions of his this last offender, but, as a fearful example to his fellow-countrymen,
 native tongue. We can fancy him wildly waking up in the night we at last, in a Draconic spirit, determined to exercise our authority
 after a fearfiil iniaginar struggle with a relentless fiend, who refused to the utmost, and paid his fare back to Scotland.
 to let go his throat until lie liad explained the reason for folks devoted There is a considerable difference between staring and stark mad,
 to grinding grain attiring themselves habitually in a covering for the and when we offered a prize for the worst joke, we imagined that our
 head of a colour corresponding with the article to the production of i contributors would not go beyond all bounds; there must be some
 which they were in the habit of giving their attention; we say we limit even to imbecility, and we beg to hint to all who may wish to
 can fancy him doing so, for ie lnure done it oursce,-s. Yes, anxious write for FuR, that they may go too far. The cup must still remain
to provide the most atrocious specimen of bad punning possible, we i on the goldsmith's hands-and shelf.