LIVING WITHOUT GOD. 14]

that remained upon my mind, when J awaked and found it was but
a dream.

Thad, alas! no divine knowledge. What I had received by the
good instruction of my father was then worn out by an uninter-
rupted series, for eight years, of sea-faring wickedness, and a con-
stant conversation with nothing but such as were like myself,
wicked and profane to the last degree. I do not remember that
Thad in all that time one thought that so much as tended either
to looking upwards toward God, or inwards towards a reflection
upon my own ways. But a certain stupidity of soul, without
aesire of good or conscience of evil, had entirely overwhelmed me,
and I was all that the most hardened, unthinking, wicked creature
aniong our common sailors can be supposed to be, not having the
least sense, either of the fear of God in danger, or of thankfulness
to God in deliverance.

In the relating what is already past of my story, this will be the
more easily believed, when I shall add, that through all the variety
of miseries that had to this day befallen me, I never had so much
as one thought of it being the hand of God, or that it was a just
punishment for my sin, my rebellious behaviour against my father,
or my present sins, which were great; or so much as a punish-
ment for the general course of my wicked life. When I was on
the desperate expedition on the desert shores of Africa, I never had
so much as one thought of what would become of me; or one
wish to God to direct me whither I should go, or to keep me from
the danger which apparently surrounded me, as well from vora-
cious creatures as cruel savages. But I was merely thoughtless of
a God, or a Providence; acted like a mere brute from the prin-
ciples of nature, and by the dictates of common sense only, and
indeed hardly that.

When I was delivered and taken up at sea by the Portuguese
captain, well used, and dealt justly and honourably with, as well as
charitably, I had not the least thankfulness on my thoughts.
When again I was shipwrecked, ruined, and in danger of drowning
on this island, 1 was as far from remorse, or looking on it as a
judgment ; I only said to myself often that 1 was an unfortunate
dog, and born to be always miserable.